


I can see your inner self

by reveetoile



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Problems, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Thought Projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/pseuds/reveetoile
Summary: Sho can see the paradoxes of people around him. And he uses it to help his friends as good as he can.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by a manga called "Toaru soragoto, bokuno himi" by Nao Hatoya. I planned to write something with that subjects for years now. And I finally did. So I hope you'll like it. Also it's one of the first things I wrote entirely from Sho's POV. I hope it isn't too bad.

Sho was around four years old when he realised that the things above the heads of his parents and grandparents - and all people around him - were part of them. At first, he was a bit scared at the ghostly figures that seemed to be everywhere and were always so loud, but with time he got used to them. In fact, with time he realised that those bulbs helped him to see what the people around him felt.  
When Sho got older, he slowly understood that every human had one of those things. They represented their inner true selves and thoughts that many people won’t show in front of others. It was strange and felt a little bit wrong to be able to see those things, and Sho asked himself if everyone was able to do so. But what would be the use to try to be someone else if everybody could just check up on that floating thing beside you? 

Sho watched his parents with big eyes and his eyes strayed more often than not to above their head. He hardly understood anything they talked about, but the things above their head were looking nervous and anxious in his direction.  
“Mommy? What is wrong?” he asked, and his mother looked at him. She smiled and sat beside him on the floor where he was playing with his race cars.  
“Nothing is wrong, my dear,” she answered, and his eyes strayed again to the figure above her head.  
“I don’t understand. Why do all say Sho is strange? And where does he look? Sho look into my eyes please,” the ghost figure said with tears in her eyes, and Sho stood fast and worried as he stumbled to his mother to comfort her.  
“Don’t cry mommy,” he mumbled and the woman stroke his back.  
“What are you saying? I am not crying silly,” she smiled and Sho reached his hand up to the face of the figure above her to touch the wet cheeks.  
“Why do you cry?” he asked and looked at his father across from them. His father looked at them with worry in his eyes and the figure above him was very anxious muttering about him and what was wrong.  
“Dad, don’t you see it? Mommy is crying,” Sho said helpless, and his mother cried now for real. His little hands tried to stop the tears, but he wasn’t succeeding. He stood on his tiptoes and managed to touch the arm of the ghost there. His mother relaxed a little, and her hug got a lot warmer. The kind of hug that Sho loved getting from his mum and dad.

“Mommy? Don’t you see?” he asked her again and then looked at his father. “Don’t you see dad? The ghosts?”  
“Sho please don’t talk about such things. Ghosts don’t exist,” his father said, and Sho looked at him confused.  
“They don’t see us?” Sho's paradox whispered surprised, and Sho looked above himself. His wonder was reflected in the eyes of his ghost, and he bit his lips. That was the first time he realised that he was different from the others and not all could see those things he did.  
“I’m sorry to make you cry,” he whispered and looked down.  
“It’s okay,” his mother said and kissed his forehead.   
“We are here to worry about you”, her ghost added, and he smiled against her shoulder. He loved being loved by his parents and didn’t want to scare or worry them.

It freaked his parents out when they realised he was looking at something else most of the time. Something that wasn’t there for them and Sho had to endure many talks with them and child therapists to make sure that everything was okay with him.   
Sho decided early in this process to never tell anymore what he can see. He doesn’t want to be seen as mad by others especially his parents. So he learnt to ignore the hovering figures and concentrate on the real people in front of them.   
Still, it was complicated for him to different between the words his parents spoke and those only the hovering figures said. They were mostly different. Sho tried his best, and after much practising, he was able to tell what messages were important.

Of course, there were talks about him being able to make people feel better with words or something he did, but his father always explains that he was a very emphatic child and most adults accepted that. So he was more than surprised when years after all the talks he had to endure his mother came to speak about his ability.

His door opened, and he looked up from his book when his mother entered. “Do you have some time?” she asked softly and he nodded confused.  
“Of course. Did something happen, mum?” Sho asked, and she shook his head. Her paradox was strangely calm too, so he wasn’t overly worried.  
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said and sat beside him. She ruffled his hair and Sho got a bit worried. His eyes shot above her head, and he blinked when the paradox nodded to herself.   
“You do it again,” it observed, and he looked at his mother again who still was so calm.  
“Mum you are scaring me,” he mumbled in the end, and she laughed a bit.  
“I’m sorry. But I thought much about what you told us when you were younger. The therapists always said you were a bright child with a great fantasy and we shouldn’t worry too much. It didn’t affect you, so we decided to ignore it. But I can’t do it anymore. You still see things, don’t you?”

“It’s okay,” his paradox whispered against his ear, and he felt the warm arms of it around his shoulders. “Look her paradox is all calm. A bit unsure and nervous but not in a bad way.” It was true Sho realised, and he sighed a little.  
“I do,” he mumbled. “But I try not to let it show. I’m sorry if some people suspect.”  
“It’s okay. Can you tell me what you see? I want to understand.”  
“Do you believe me?” he asked in bewilderment and she nodded.  
“Yes. But I don’t understand. And I can’t promise that I can completely understand after you explain it to me, too.”  
“Okay,” he mumbled and began to explain to his mother everything about paradoxes as he called them now. His mother listened to him carefully, and Sho couldn’t stop himself from looking over to his mother full of worry. But the ghost stood still and smiled lovingly and a bit sad.

“You must have heard so many horrible things,” she mumbled in the end, and Sho shrugged.  
“But many nice things, too.” She smiled and kissed his forehead.  
“I see. I worry for you Sho. I’m scared that your father or I might think things when it’s too much, and you would take it to your heart too much. And of course, all the other people that could hurt you.” Sho watched her, and her paradox apparently worried and hugged her close.  
“But I know that you love me,” he explained and kissed her cheek.   
She hugged him, even more, tighter and he felt so loved. Her paradox mumbled: “I’m sorry. My poor baby,” again and again and he kissed her cheek again. He didn’t feel bad. Not really.   
Sometimes it was too much, but then he could easily take a time-out here at home and in his room. His parents accepted those times.

They stayed like this for a few moments before his mother looked at him again. “Sho, I don’t think you would, but I have to tell you: If you can see the actual thoughts and feelings of the people around you, you have to promise me two things. Never exploit this knowledge and don’t look away if one is in pain. Too many people look away, and I hope we were able to raise you till now as someone who wants to help people,” she said slowly. “Of course you have to be careful that you aren’t in any danger, but I know that you are smart enough to see when you can and should help. I just hope you are brave enough to do so.”  
“And I hope you never feel bad because of your ability,” her paradox wished fervently, and he cuddled a bit more with his mother instead of answering. He didn’t know what to say.   
But his paradox whispered the promise he couldn't say out loud, but somehow his mother understood.


	2. Chapter 2

Sho got older fast and learned a lot about people. He learned how to make people relax and happy around him, and he used it a lot because he liked to make them happy. He wanted to do it for as long as he could. He just didn’t know yet how. But he had a few thoughts about it already. Today he was with his father since his mother had an appointment where she didn’t want to take him. And so his father decided to take him out.  
Sho’s father watched his son proudly while he was talking with some acquaintances of him. He smiled when his son came back and ruffled his hair.  
“You always relax everyone around you,” he smiled, and Sho grinned brightly.  
“That’s good, right?”  
“Of course it is. Everyone can relax around you, and you manage to make them all happy. It will help you later as well,” his father explained, and Sho looked at him confused.  
“What do you mean?”  
“When you are older and have to find work. It will do you good to realise what people think and what you have to do or say so that they will agree with you. It’s good.”  
“But I don’t want to persuade people!”  
“It’s nothing like that,” his father said and ruffled his hair again. “Don’t worry. It’s complicated and something you most likely will only understand when you are older. I didn’t want to confuse you.”  
“Okay,” he whispered and let his father kiss his cheek before he ran up to some other children to play with them. He grinned when he saw the ghost of his father watching him on carefully so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. He was happy whenever his father took the time to take him outside since he was mostly busy with his job and Sho wasn’t able to see him that often. Sho continued to play with the others and then went back when his father called him to go home.  
“Your mother should be back, too,” he explained, and Sho held on the hand of his father while they walked home. “We have to tell you something then.” Sho hummed a little in answer and glanced at the happy ghost floating above his father’s head. Sho felt his own ghost giddiness at the news, and he tried his hardest not to skip on the pavement so full of happiness as he was.  
Of course, he already knew the happy news from the ghosts of his parents, but he tried his best not to show that he knew and couldn’t wait to ask his mother all kind of questions.

“We are back,” he called when they entered their home, and Sho took off his shoes as fast as he could.  
“Put them in order,” the ghost of his father reminded him, and he put them on the little rack beside the door before his father could say anything and wore his shoes fast before he ran into the kitchen.  
“Mum. We are back,” he cried out and hugged her when he realised she didn’t have any sharp tools in her hands. “What are you cooking?”  
“Curry. Come on wash your hands and then we can have dinner together. You must be hungry.”  
“I am!” Sho left the kitchen to go to the bathroom to wash his hands and went back to his parents. They sat around the table and after all six of them said “Itadaikimasu” they began to eat.  
“It’s delicious,” Sho said, and his father agreed with him while his ghost looked thoroughly in love with his wife. Sho hid a grin behind his spoon and concentrated on his meal.  
“Sho, your father, already told you that we have something to tell you ne?” his mother asked after she had cleared the table.  
“Yes. But he didn’t say what it was about,” Sho pouted, and his ghost giggled amused at his antics. Because even if his parents were silent about it, all their ghost weren’t.  
“Poor baby,” his mother answered laughing and winked at him. “But it is something very happy. Soon we will be not only three living here but four people. We will have a baby girl, and you will become a big brother.”  
Sho jumped up and hugged his mother tightly. “Yay. I can’t wait,” he cried out loud and cuddled more into her embrace. He stroke the stomach of his mother and smiled softly.  
“I will protect her and teach her everything I know,” he promised, and his parents laughed softly.  
“I’m sure you will”, the ghost of his father said proudly, and his mother’s ghost cried a little at his warm words.   
—  
Sho was proud but also a bit nervous when he finally thought about something he wanted to do with his life. It was something that would make people happy. Sho was sure of it. But he also knew that his parents - or at least his father - hoped that he would become a businessman just like him. Perhaps even follow his footsteps and pursue a political career. So to say that Sho’s parents weren’t happy when he announced that he wanted to send an application for Johnny’s Entertainment shortly after his 13th birthday was almost an understatement.  
“You can’t. You wanted to study and then later work in an excellent firm,” his father said while the ghost above his head - Sho had decided to call them paradoxes since they showed the paradox feelings of the people they belonged to - right out panicked about his reputation. Sho schooled his face into a calm mask and tried to ignore his paradox that was scared about their reactions and angry at his father’s paradox at the same time.   
One thing was for sure. He would have a headache after this discussion was over with so many voices all around him. At least his baby brother was silent and just cooing gently in his crib. He didn’t have a paradox yet since he wasn’t able to hide any emotions as young as he was, but Sho was sure that he would create one when he got older. Just like everybody else. It was an eerie sensation to watch a ghost slowly appear above a human being. The first time he had seen that was with his little sister, and he was scared, and he tried to stop it in the beginning. But it was fruitless, and so he decided that it was clearly normal to form a paradox. He blinked to get back to the situation at hand and bit his tongue not to say anything while his father still was speaking rapidly about his studies and grades.  
“Dad. I promise it won’t affect my grades. If it does, I will quit. Just… Let me do it, please. I want to dance and be a part of such a group. I will stop if I don’t debut with a group before I start going to university. And even if I do I will finish my studies and get a degree in economics,” he watched him pleadingly and waited with baited breath.

His father's monologue stopped, and he was looking at him carefully. Thankfully his paradox had calmed down again. Even if he could still sense the worry in it about the reputation, his father would gain. His mother was worried, too, but thankfully more inclined to allow her son his wish. It was only his father that had to say yes. After a long time, he finally sighed.  
“I will talk to your mother about it. And tell you my decision about this at dinner,” he said, and Sho nodded. He looked over at his mother who gifted him with a tight smile, but her paradox was happy that he showed interest in something other than academics. So he thinks his chances were high.

In his room, he first wrote his homework and then the application letter for the agency. He was giddy with excitement he tried hard not to show anyone whenever his parents came into his room to look what he was doing.  
When his mother came inside two hours after his talk with his father he carefully looked at her and tried to decipher what she was feeling about his wish to join the agency. It was hard to see anything on her face. Luckily her paradox was easier to get. So his eyes strayed to it for a moment, and he relaxed a bit.  
“Why do you want to join so suddenly?” she asked, and he shrugged a bit.  
“I just think it could be interesting. And I want to try out,” he mumbled while his thoughts were on his real reasons to try and join the agency. Sho knew that he would be able to explain it to his mother and probably it even would be easier if he told her that but he didn’t want to as he was a bit ashamed of that.   
She nodded, and her paradox smiled brightly at him. “I’m so happy you are interested in other things than school. I was so worried”, it said, and Sho tried not to smile. He knew his paradox was beaming happily at those words.  
“Your father isn’t too impressed by your choice, though,” she said instead, and he nodded.  
“I know.”  
“He is worried for you. It might seem unfair to you right now but what if you fall behind. He is concerned about your future.”  
Sho allowed himself to shrug at that. His mother's paradox sighed and muttered something about stupid politicians, but he knew that she was just as worried as his father was. It was always hard to be in the spotlight and if he chose the same way it won’t get easier for any of them.  
“I won’t. I promise. I can do both. And sending an application doesn’t mean they’ll take me, mum. Don’t worry about such things.”  
“Okay. I will talk to your father.”   
“And promise to convince him,” her paradox added with a twinkle and Sho thanked his mother softly while watching her leave him in his room.

At dinner, his father's face was closed off and decidedly unhappy, but his paradox was nervous, and even if his mother was silent her paradox was a bit giddy, so Sho knew that he had won. He was allowed to send the application. Of course, he had to promise not to fail any exam or test and would be forced to quit if his grades would get worse, but he was sure that they wouldn’t. He thanked his parents and left shortly to finally sent the letter right after dinner. He couldn’t wait for the answer.

The answer came a few weeks later, and to his great surprise, he got invited to the first rounds. To say he was happy would have been an understatement. He was more than giddy.  
And even if his friends made fun of him for a while they also told him to go for it. Now that he got the confirmation he should try his best to get in the agency as well. They assured him that they would cheer for him the best they could.  
So he did. It was overwhelming to be in a hall with so many people and their paradoxes around them, but it was also exhilarating since almost all of them inhabited the same nervous giddiness he had.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this short chapter. I originally wanted to add it to the last chapter but forgot. In the next one, Sho will finally meet Nino :D

It was hard for Sho being in the agency. Dancing didn’t come easily to him; it was harder than he thought it would be. But being with the other juniors was even more challenging. He was close to giving up more than once. He was used to having calm hours at home after school and being surrounded by people and their paradoxes. Paradoxes of teenagers were tiring.  
First, all people around him were talking to each other, and it was like a constant noise in the background. That alone would be enough to scare anyone away (or at least Sho) but with the voices of all paradoxes added it was a hundred times amplified.  
Sho stumbled back when he entered the big hall for the first time, but then he entered it completely and greeted a few kids near him. He wasn’t shy, never were and he wanted to do this now.  
They had to dance and sing in front of a few staff members one after the other and Sho realised that many people were better than him. So he didn’t think that he would get a callback. He did, though, and from that time on he tried his best to get better with each day and realised he liked the whole ordeal more than he could have imagined.

Two weeks of daily training and school Sho had a free day finally. He fell on his bed right the moment he entered his room at home and closed his eyes tiredly. Tomorrow he could sleep in and then he could enjoy the silence around him. He massaged his temples and almost fell asleep right there and then when there was a knock on his door.   
“Yes?” He sat up and forced a smile on his face when his mother came inside. She had his brother in her arms, and the boy cooed at him and extended his arms for Sho.  
Sho took him from his mother when she sat down and hugged him close. “Hey little one,” he said and kissed his head before he let him play with the little fingers. He loved his brother so much. He was so cute!  
“How are you feeling? You look tired,” she said worriedly, and Sho shrugged a bit. “Is everything okay? Are you ill?” her paradox said and moved around restlessly.  
“I’m fine. It’s just a little bit much. With school and then the classes at the agency. But it’s fun. I have to get used to being around so many people all day, though,” he explained and watched the confused frown on her face before it softened when she remembered about him being able to see a second self of the people.  
“Sounds like it could be a bit much,” she agreed, and Sho continued to cuddle with his little brother.  
“I just need a little time for myself, and I have to learn to manage my time so that I can have timeouts regularly. When I have that I will be completely fine, ne? So don’t worry too much about me. You have to look after Shun and Mai first.”  
“If you say so but tell me whenever you feel too tired, promise?”  
“Don’t forget that I will always worry about you just as much as I do for the other two. You are my beloved son who always thinks he has to do too much. So I worry about you the most for the moment. Mai and Shun listen to me,” her paradox murmured, and he kissed her cheek.  
“I love you, mum.”  
She ruffled his hair and stood up. “I’m making dinner. Do you want to take a bath or spend a little time with Shun? Mai is doing her homework.”  
“I will play with Shun. I miss spending time with him. I will take a bath after dinner. Hey, mum? Would it be okay if I close myself off for a few hours a week in my room in the future?” he asked carefully. “Just to recharge.”  
“Of course. You should take all the time you need whenever you need it.”  
“Thanks.” His mother left them, and he played with his little brother even if they ended up cuddling more because the boy got sleepy than to play really. That was good as well.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few month, he adapted to everything and liked being in Johnny’s. Of course, it was tiring, and he had a lot of duties together with his school. But he managed his time pretty well. He was used to making plans and planning out schedules, and he got better and better doing them in a way that he could follow through without getting stressed.  
Computers and later the first mobile phones with mobile planners helped a lot to get all appointments he had under control. He was more relaxed now and more or less known in the agency.  
He was higher up in the hierarchy, and many kids admired him because he managed to be good in school and Johnny’s better than most of the others. Sho also knew that some people around him feared him. Not exactly because he was so scary (even if he was for some of the younger ones because Sho had to fight with a short temper at the moment) but because he always knew when to stand up and help others out. For that, he was also trusted and liked.

He was on his way to the training his head swimming a little because of all the gossip some older boys had shared with him earlier. New kids were accepted to the agency and had just started their training. So it was messier and fuller than usually, and he had a hard time finding a quiet corner to take a short breather before beginning his training.  
He was curious about the new ones since the boys he talked to earlier spoke of a few kids that seemed to have a great potential at least Johnny himself appeared to think so, and of course, he was curious about meeting those boys.  
Finally, he found a Green Room where not so many people were in and entered it. He looked at the boys that were talking to each other. On first glance, he realised that they were new since they were more nervous than the people who already got used to the agency and their paradoxes were giddy, and a bit scared at the same time. But overall they were rowdy. He realised that their paradoxes got more nervous as times passed and Sho sighed loudly.  
“Could you please keep silent? You are making a ruckus,” he said in the end, and the boys turned around shocked.

The boys and their paradoxes watched him with big eyes and bowed several times.  
“We are sorry,” they cried in unison and ran out of the room. All but one who was now glaring a little at Sho.  
“You could have been a bit more polite,” he mumbled even if his paradox shook a little.  
“I’m sorry. Don’t be mad. And those aren’t even our things! I don’t know why we should apologise only because you have a bad day,” his paradox ranted and then pouted spectacularly at the end. It was kinda cute, and Sho knew he was right. He felt a bit bad to make the other new boys cry and run away.  
“Yes, you are right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been like that,” Sho agreed, and Nino nodded and relaxed a bit.  
“Okay… Okay. I have to go to the training, or I’m late. I don’t even want to know what happens if I’m late,” he mumbled more to himself and bowed to Sho before he headed out.  
Sho laughed a bit as he listened to his paradox mumbling about his mother and that she would be mad if he got himself fired in the first few weeks here. At least that boy seemed to be an interesting and complicated guy if he thought about all the emotions that had run through him at those few moments together.

Sho met Nino - he got to know his name after their second meeting at last - a few more times the next weeks, and they greeted each other whenever they saw each other. But they didn’t talk much to each other. Nino was still insecure around him and shy whenever it seemed that he did something wrong but he was also witty, and Sho liked talking to him when he was his funny self. Nino had a paradox, but he was mostly one with it, somehow, and most of the times they showed the same emotions. It was calming and made it easy to talk with Nino.  
He saw the boy in the corridor one day with another scrawny kid that seemed to be euphoric to be here. His paradox though was looking around with wild, nervous eyes and appeared to try to see everything at the same time even if that was impossible.  
He got nearer to greet Nino and perhaps ask him if he wanted to grab something to eat with him later when he got the chance to listen to their conversation.  
“You can ask me anything about the agency. I know it all… Or at least I know who to ask,” Nino grinned and Sho watched amused his paradox who looked around a bit nervous to make sure nobody was listening. Luckily it didn’t see him. Then Nino's paradox calmed down once more and they went on the floor to one of the training rooms where Sho knew was the training for the newcomers located. The place both of them had to be in a few minutes.  
“Why do you know so much?” the new boy asked and Nino throws an arm over the shoulder of the kid.

“My older brother goes here,” he explained, and Sho snorted a bit. He didn’t think that that was true. He would have realised if Nino was a younger brother of someone else here. Family relations weren’t a secret for long in an agency with hundreds of teenagers that loved to gossip.  
The new kid seemed not to believe him either and stopped his steps. “Really? I don’t believe you. Show me!” Jun demanded, and Nino shrugged a little.  
“Of course we have to go that way because he is on another floor for his training”, he explained and tugged him with him. Sho followed them silently and more than amused as to what Nino wanted to do now. In fact, neither the boy nor his paradox seemed to be nervous that his lie would be discovered. They both appeared to be calm and in control.  
At last, they came across of an older boy who nodded at Nino who grinned at him when the other boy left again. “That was my brother Keisuke,” he grinned, and even his paradox nodded fervently. Sho knew for a fact that that kid was an only child but Nino and his paradox were calm and fully in peace with themselves which was strange. Typically the paradox of people denied lies directly and did not lie. He watched the other kid that was a bit sceptical even now, but Sho already knew that Jun believed Nino and somehow admired him which had Sho in stitches as he hid while laughing out loud. He couldn’t believe how naive this new kid was and hoped that he would survive in this business.

Sho looked up when Nino came to a stop in front of his table and closed his book. “You are late,” he scolded, and Nino bowed twice in a rush.  
“I’m sorry. But training went longer because Aibacchi made too many mistakes,” he explained while his paradox snickered. A whine was heard and at that Sho looked up for the first time. Beside Nino stood a tall, lanky boy with brownish longer hair and deep brown eyes which at the moment looked offended at Nino.  
But what stood out was that this boy - Sho thought that he was the one Nino called Aibacchi just moments before - didn’t have a paradox. Sho blinked a few times, momentarily panicked that he lost his ability and looked at the space above Nino’s head. No, his paradox was still there and watched him now a bit worriedly.  
“Are you mad I brought him along?” Nino asked and drew him from his thoughts. His eyes wandered to the other boy once more, and he even tried to look behind him to see if a paradox hid there. But no, there wasn’t even a shadow that could imply there was something like that.  
“Ah… No… Of course not. I’m Sakurai Sho, nice to meet you,” he said at last flustered, and the boy smiled brightly at him.  
“Thank you. I’m Aiba Masaki. And I’m sorry Nino is late. It was my fault,” he mumbled with a sheepish pout, and both of them finally sat down across of him. 

Nino immediately took the menu to scan it for something to eat and looked up for a moment. “You will treat us ne?” he asked sweetly, and his paradox added: “After all you are older than us and you asked to meet for lunch.” Sho rolled his eyes good naturally at that and nodded.  
“Of course,” he sighed, and Nino grinned victoriously. “I don’t even think he brought his wallet,” Sho's paradox added and Sho hid a smile behind his hand. It was easy to treat Nino. After all, he mostly stuck to the cheapest things on the menus, and it wasn’t as if Sho didn’t get a lot of pocket money. Differently from Nino.

Nino never told him, but his paradox panicked more often than not when Sho took him out to a slightly more expensive restaurant than the small ramen places, burger joints or family restaurants. Sho got the impression that Nino didn’t have much money. Otherwise, his mother wouldn’t have been able to bribe him so easily with 5000 yen for something he didn’t want to do at first.  
Sho looked at Aiba who smiled at him apologetically. “I can pay myself since you didn’t invite me…” he said slowly, and Sho shook his head.  
“No, it’s fine. I’m the senpai here after all, ne? So I will pay. Don’t worry and get something you like. You have to be hungry after training.”  
Aiba nodded brightly grinning and took the menu from Nino after the boy decided on the burger with chips and a milkshake. Aiba didn’t take long to decide on the same things, and Sho couldn’t bring himself to look away from him.   
He knew that he made Aiba slightly nervous with his stare, but he was too shocked to meet a person without a paradox. He got so used to the ghostly figures above all individuals' heads and being entirely sure how they felt, what they thought, that it was slightly disturbing. At the same time, he felt taken by it and drawn to the innocent person sitting across of him. It seemed that Aiba wore his heart on his sleeve and it was nice to meet such a person.

“Sho-kun you are creeping me out,” Nino said when their meals arrived at their table and snapped Sho out of his reverie. He realised that Aiba was moving insecurely in his chair and tried to look elsewhere under his stare.  
“I’m sorry. I’m really out of it today it seems,” Sho apologised, and luckily Aiba waved his apology off.  
“It’s okay.”  
For the rest of the meal, Sho managed to keep his eyes off of Aiba for most of the time and was pleasantly surprised how nice it was to talk to Aiba without the interfering of a paradox. Typically keeping a conversation going was difficult since most paradoxes entered barbs and words in between the talks of their humans. Sometimes Sho got those things confused and answered questions or remarked on words of the paradoxes which confused the people but since it was their real thoughts normally shrugged them off. With Aiba, there was none of that. And that was nice.  
After his first meeting with Aiba, Sho met with him regularly. Often it was only the two of them, and Sho felt surprisingly at peace whenever he was near Aiba. There were none of the slightly bad feelings whenever he met others whose paradoxes couldn’t hide from him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe this chapter is really bad >< I'm so sorry. I couldn't make it better or more interesting. But I promise that the next chapter is (hopefully) better. Thanks for your patience. Comments are welcomed of course.

They met at the airport early in the morning - or if you asked Nino’s paradox at an inhuman time that was invented for people to sleep and not stand on an airport without knowing where the hell they were going and why. Sho was surprised how many curse words Nino’s paradox knew and could utter without blushing. Nino looked mostly nonplussed too which was a little bit funny.  
They were still waiting for the manager to arrive and only Aiba was more or less awake and happy. He talked a lot and kept the others awake that way. At least most of them. Ohno Satoshi, a senior who mostly worked in Kyoto till now, was seemingly deep asleep. Sho quickly realised that he wasn’t asleep since his paradox was looking around a bit apprehensive and fully alert. Sho didn’t know the older that well, but he knew that Nino did and he didn’t like the green hue the paradox of Ohno slowly worked himself into so he pinched Nino in the side and pointed at Ohno when Nino looked at him questioningly.

“Ohno-san looks like he is going to be ill,” he mumbled, and Nino’s eyes fell on the figure beside them.  
“Oh! I didn’t see when he arrived,” Nino's paradox said surprised and grinned brightly with a little blush on his cheeks. To say that Sho was surprised was an understatement, to be honest. But Nino stood up fast and sidled up to Ohno. In a quick movement, he hugged Ohno’s arm and grinned up at him.   
“Oh-chan. Are you here too? This got so much better suddenly,” he exclaimed, and Ohno blinked a little at the limpet hanging off him. A smile was on the face of his paradox and a happy sparkle in his eyes when he recognised Nino. His real face remained impassive, though, even if he allowed his lips to lift a bit.  
Nino soon had managed to get under Ohno's arm and was now leaning against his side. “It’s good to see you. How was Kyoto?” Nino asked, and Ohno answered eventually to his questions. Sho watched them and their paradoxes nearness for a moment before his eyes fell on Jun who was standing awkwardly beside him, and his paradox looked near fainting. Sho didn’t know why all of them were so nervous.  
“You should sit down, Jun-kun,” he murmured and pushed the boy on a stool beside Aiba who threw an arm around Jun’s shoulders.  
“It’s too early,” Jun grumbled, and Aiba laughed a little.  
“It is. But you can sleep on the plane for a bit,” Jun nodded and cuddled into the warm arms of Aiba who smiled amused and ruffled his hair.  
“Jun-kun is awful with morning, ne?” Aiba said to Sho who agreed easily, before settling on Jun’s other side. It was better not to be directly beside Aiba. Better for his heart at least.

At last, the manager that would accompany them was there and herded the five boys through the gates to be on time for the takeoff. The paradoxes of all boys bombarded the man with questions about where they would go even if the boys themselves stayed still. Only Aiba was curious enough to ask openly.  
“Where are we going?” he asked and the man looked them over for a moment.  
“You will see soon enough. We will record a new song there. So yeah you will see later about it all,” he ended lamely, and that was all he said from then on. Regardless of what Aiba asked him the rest of their journey.  
Sho watched the rather unimpressed paradox above his head for more information.  
“I don’t know why Johnny thinks those five would be good for the next debut. Three of them told him they wanted to quit after all! That old geezer has gone mad. They can’t even sing that well,” the paradox mumbled, and Sho frowned. Johnny did say something about them talking about quitting again when they came back if they still wanted then. So this had been his plan. Sho was surprised he didn’t realise what was going on when he and Nino visited Johnny. It seemed as if his ability didn’t work for everyone the same or Johnny was just so convinced of his words that there wasn’t even a lie in them.

Sho followed them in the plane and felt a deep dread settling in him. He promised his parents he would quit when Sho didn’t debut before he entered university and now half a year before he was going to end school he was debuting. Sho hoped his parents would understand. Sho knew that they didn’t expect any more for him to debut after all.  
He sighed and sat in the row between Aiba and Jun and leant back the best he could to relax and hopefully get some sleep while they flew. He felt Jun’s head fall on his shoulder and hid a grin when he heard a little snore from the kid. Jun was terrible with mornings it seemed. He, too, fell asleep soon and only woke up again after a few hours had gone by. He sat up carefully as to not wake the younger boy on his side and looked around.

Nino was the only one awake of the five of them and was silently playing on his game. He was seemingly fully concentrated on it, but his paradox looked worried and even a little (or to be honest more than a little) ill. Sho watched him a moment and realised that he was also fairly pale in comparison to normally and that was meaning a lot since Nino was pale, to begin with.  
Carefully as not to wake Jun he rummaged in his bag and took the water bottle he got earlier from a friendly stewardess and walked over to Nino.  
“Take these. My mother gave them to me if I got ill. It's against motion sickness,” he explained.  
Nino took them without even trying to fight with him over it and took a deep breath as he drank the water.  
“Thanks. Let's hope they help,” he mumbled.  
“You should also stop playing, though. It magnifies the sickness.”  
“Okay. Whatever you say.” Nino gave a thumbs up and settled back to try and get some sleep for the rest of their flight. Sho was satisfied with his task and went back to his seat where Aiba had shuffled over to cuddle with Jun and Sho had to climb over both of them to get to the free place.  
He leant back once more and closed his eyes. Sleep sounded nice, and Sho was bored if everybody was asleep but him since nobody talked to him, the paradoxes slept as well mostly, and he was not the type to pry into the dreams of his friends.

He woke up a few hours later once more and hissed in pain when he tried to get into a more comfortable position. “How long till we land?” he asked the manager that was looking at some papers.  
“About three hours,” the man answered, and Sho groaned. He looked for a book to read and tried to ignore the moaning of the boys beside him. Nobody was happy that they still had to fly three more hours since it was so boring to be confined in this place. Nino was moaning that he wouldn’t survive for another three hours and Ohno put an arm around the younger to pacify him. Sho smiled amusedly when Ohno’s paradox mumbled something about taking another nap, but at least Nino calmed down once more.  
Aiba played a game with Jun and Sho looked from time to time up to them whenever Jun’s paradox whined because he lost or Aiba pouted when he lost. They were both kinda cute like that and innocent.  
He watched the manager in front of him and grimaced at the thoughts his paradox let on.

“I don’t know how Johnny thinks this is going to work. They are whining even now, and they only have to be on a damn plane. What will happen if they have to work from morning to late at night?”  
Sho sighed a bit. He was pissed that the man didn’t even try to get them known better. They were all hard working. Some more than others but he was aware that Aiba and Jun did want to debut and tried their best with everything they did. Nino, Ohno and Sho did their best if it was for a job.  
Sho tried to concentrate on his book and heaved a sigh of relief when they finally were told that they would land in a few minutes. They stumbled from the plane, and Nino almost immediately fell down on the floor. The green tinge was back, and he took deep breaths while Ohno and Aiba worriedly knelt beside him till he was able to stand up once more.  
“Let’s go to our hotel. We will record a song tomorrow in the morning, and then we have a few promotional shots later in the afternoon,” the manager explained.  
“Okay,” they all answered in unison and Sho helped Jun with his suitcase on the way to a waiting car.

The day was spent leisurely at the pool of the hotel, and they all tried to tire themselves out so that they would be able to sleep in the evening. Sho was sure that their sleeping schedule would go to hell soon. They played in the water most of the afternoon and then headed to their room - they shared a big one as the five of them - and talked a bit. Sho was amused to watch their paradoxes slowly lose the fights against their sleepiness and put a blanket over them when they fell to sleep. Afterwards, he went to sleep himself.

The next day was stressful as right after breakfast they had to go to the studio. It was mostly Ohno and himself that had to record the whole song while the others sang the harmonies for the song. After that, they had a short lunch and went to the beach where they had to board a ship. Sho’s eyes immediately wandered to Nino who had Ohno’s arm in a tight grip as he entered the deck and tried to locate his motion sickness pills. He was sure that he had put them in his backpack and was glad when he found them and made Nino take one. It didn't make the whole sickness leave the boy, but it helped at least a little. Ohno smiled thankfully and then sat down with Nino beside him to help him go through the first bouts of sickness before they had to work. It didn’t take that long till they stopped again and were told to stand in a row.  
The man stood before them with a few reporters and Sho watched them curiously. They seemed to be excited at first sight, but their paradoxes were all bored when they thought of presenting a new group full of teenage boys.  
Their manager was calm and severe as he stood between them and the reporters, but his paradox was clearly nervous and looking over at them each few seconds to make sure that they still were there and professional waiting for whatever there was to come. Aiba was fidgeting nervously; Jun was frozen in his nervousness, Nino mostly felt ill and tried not to vomit over them all and Ohno seemed to be somewhere entirely else even if his paradox was eerily focused on the reporters in front of him. Sho felt calm, but his paradox was moving around restlessly and always talking about that his parents would kill him because he never spoke to them beforehand about the debut. He only hoped they would believe him if he explained that he didn’t know beforehand.

“I’m happy to be able to announce the debut of a new band right out of Johnny’s Entertainment. From now on these five will be Arashi. When we are back in Japan, they will present their debut single A.RA.SHI at Music Station. So stay tuned. We’ll have the five of them present themselves.”  
Sho couldn’t see the faces of the others, but he heard the little gasp Aiba made before he could stop himself and the excited voices of the other paradoxes which were shocked and happy at the same time. They were talking and panicking, but the boys were silent in front, and Sho realised that he was the first to present himself. So he did as he was told and listen to the other four telling the people their names and something about being happy to be now in this new-formed band.  
Sho felt dread settled over him as the others fell silent and looked at each other nervously when the cameras were shut down once more. Their paradoxes were slightly subdued themselves, and they sat in a corner to talk to each other. Nobody had expected this to be honest and it scared them all a bit.


	6. Chapter 6

Sho was nervous when he came back a week later. They didn’t have a chance to talk with their families while they were in Hawaii and Sho knew for sure that by now the whole country would know about their debut and therefore his parents would too. Sho was sure that they wouldn’t be that happy about it all.  
He watched Jun and Aiba who were happily talking about their debut. After it all had sunk in both of them were the most excited about this all. Nino had taken him away one evening to whine about it all to him. After all, both of them wanted to quit, so Nino had thought to have an ally in Sho.  
“What do you feel about it all?” Nino had asked nervously, and Sho had shrugged in answer.  
“We tried to quit but now we can’t. So I will make the best out of it,” Sho had said carefully while his paradox had clapped happily. In truth, Sho had been very happy to debut. He still was. It was his goal after all. He had wanted to debut when he started at the agency. He had been ready to quit because he didn’t see himself going anywhere or succeeding and it was getting frustrating. But now he was happy.  
“But didn’t you want to quit?” Nino pressed on, and Sho watched him confused. Nino’s paradox hugged Nino close and looked scared and like a little kid for a moment. Sho wanted to comfort him, but Nino managed to hide his emotions fast again.  
“Somehow… But it was because it was getting frustrating. Not being able to debut after so many years at the agency. I didn’t want to stay as a junior forever,” Sho confessed after a few minutes and laid his hand on his shoulder. “And now I am really happy to be able to debut with you four. We will have fun. Don’t you think?”  
Nino watched him incredulous, but in the end, he relaxed a little and closed his eyes to calm down.  
“If you say so. It could have been worse,” Nino mumbled at last, and Sho laughed when his paradox added: “Even if I am now stuck with four idiots.”  
“Let’s head back. The others will worry about us.”

Sho concentrated back to the present when they stepped out of the airport and waved at the others before he went to the exit where his mother told him she would wait for him.  
“Welcome back, my dear,” she said and kissed his cheek. Her paradox was happy to see him, and he hugged her shortly before entering the car.  
“So you debuted?” she asked after she had started the car and he looked at her a little nervous but relaxed soon after he realised that her paradox was completely calm if not eve a bit proud of him. He grinned and nodded after a while.  
“Seems so. We didn’t know beforehand. We got to know about it right in front of the cameras,” Sho explained, and she laughed.  
“We could see that. You five aren’t that great to hide your surprise, to be honest. Your father was shocked at the beginning but laughed after we got to see your faces for the fifth time on a different news program. You all said such silly things. It was all cute and lovely.”  
Sho hid his red cheeks in his hands and tried to ignore his embarrassed and whining paradox as well as the cackling of his mother's paradox. He prided himself not to be embarrassed or surprised usually. Sometimes his parents succeeded in doing that to him, though.

The drive back was quick, and at home, he had the time to unpack and be for himself for a little while before his siblings came home. His sister almost immediately flew into his arms happy to have a star as her brother now. Sho told her everything from the last few days till she was happy and left to do her homework.  
His little brother took the time alone with Sho to get a big hug from his brother and sat on his lap while he talked about what happened in kindergarten and Sho listened to him carefully. He was glad that his family was okay with him debuting and even a bit proud. Even his father was happy with his debut. He didn’t show it to him personally, but there was no hiding the proud paradox that was above his head.

+++

“Oh God! We can’t go on the stage in this outfit. Whoever thought this would be great outfit? Did they all lose their mind?!” Jun’s paradox whined behind Sho, and he looked back to watch the youngest of their new formed band. He understood his thoughts entirely. Those plastic bags they had to wear with nothing but a white boxer shorts and shirt under it was embarrassing. Sho also thought that they have just to go through with it and then they could wear their regular clothes again, so yes, he was ashamed but also concentrated on the song and the steps they had to take outside. Jun seemed closer to crying than really ready to go out.  
Sho sighed and laid an arm around Jun’s shoulder and smirked at him a little. “Don’t worry. They won’t think it’s silly,” he promised, and Jun looked at him with those impossibly huge eyes of his.  
“Do you really think so?”  
“Yes, don’t worry. We will enchant them with our moves and the song and our good looks.” He winked at him, and Jun ducked his head shyly while his paradox seemed to be a bit happier. It helped that Jun had a little boy crush on him. It made it easy to cheer him up if he was down. It also helped that Jun was adorable that way.  
Sho ruffled his hair and went to his place in their group again. “I promise it will be okay. And in ten years or so we will laugh that one of our first public appearances was in these costumes. It will be a good memory,” he promised, and Jun looked up.  
“He said in ten years! Sho believes we will be together for that long!” his paradox chanted happily and even Jun himself grinned now brightly. Sho looked at Aiba beside him who was giggling happily and looking at himself.  
“It’s fun,” Aiba decided, and Sho rolled his eyes a bit.  
“At least nothing will shock us anymore after this,” Nino mumbled from behind him and flexed his hand a little. The floor was hard as far as Sho had seen and Nino’s old injury was acting up again from the many back flips he had to do while they trained for this evening.  
“It will be fine,” Nino’s paradox mumbled while he touched the wrist and Nino relaxed. Even more so when Ohno’s fingers danced shortly over the thin wrist and his paradox mumbled something about cute hands.  
Sho hid a smirk behind his hand with a cough and got ready when they were announced.

The next few minutes went in a blur and Sho couldn’t remember anything from their first ever performance. Only the high on adrenaline that threw him off once he was on the stage and listened to the loud shouts of the people in the audience. Sho couldn’t tell them fans yet since they were too new to have a fan base yet really.  
Back backstage Sho only wanted to strip out of this plastic costume since it now stuck on him and it was a very uncomfortable feeling. But before he could step into the changing room the others surrounded him. Aiba and Nino were holding hands and jumping up and down giggling and shouting loudly that they survived.  
Soon Nino took Ohno’s hand to have him join them, and Aiba was pulling Sho beside himself. They were still singing their little verse loudly, and Sho laughed as he looked at the happy faces of the others.  
“So childish,” Jun’s pouting voice was heard beside him as Aiba and Nino loosened their grip on each other's hands to pull Jun right in between them. Sho giggled and laughed even louder when he looked at Ohno who had a dazed expression on his face, and his paradox was blinking furiously while contemplating that he had indeed seen some uchiwas with his name on.  
He realised that he somehow loved being with this four and hoped that they would stay like this for a long while. Only a loud reprimand from an older performer made them stop, and they apologised sheepishly. Sho was scared for a moment that they were furious with them, but their paradoxes were watching them amused before congratulating them for their first song on air.  
“You should all change. It’s silly to jump around in those costumes laughing. One could think you all went crazy,” he chided them nonetheless, and Sho realised with a start they were still wearing the see-through costumes, and it was getting cold under the air conditioning.  
“We are sorry,” they all chorused and ran into the changing room in different stances of being mortified because of the chiding and their state of clothing. Only Aiba was giggling happily still blissfully happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the last I titled 'Sho's arc' privately. In the next chapter, Sho will focus on Jun's growth and problems. In the next chapters, Sho will little by little discover insecurities in the other members and try his best to help them. To warn you, though: I invented those things. None of them are true and just are here to help me with the story's progress.


	7. Chapter 7

Sho looked up from his textbooks when Jun came into the room and waved at him. “Hello,” he greeted, and Jun nodded before he instantly went into the bathroom connected to their Green Room.  
Sho frowned a little and tried to concentrate on his work once more. Jun was moody at the moment. Probably because he had hit puberty now full force, Sho didn’t know. He couldn’t remember what he did when he was at the same age. It didn’t take long before Jun came back and let himself fall on the sofa. They had the rule that nobody would disturb the others while they were doing their work - since four out of them were still in school, it was important that they had the best environment to finish it.

“My spots are so bad, and my hair looks greasy even if I washed it only this morning. I hate this!” Jun’s paradox moaned, and Sho glanced at the other. Jun was playing a handheld game at the moment and bit his lips so furiously they looked bruised already. “And the staff was talking about how bad I was at the recordings. My voice is by far the worst. I hate it all,” his paradox continued, now with a small sob, and Sho frown deepened.  
“Hey Jun-kun is everything okay?” he asked cautiously, and Jun glared at him for a second before he was able to mask his emotions.  
“Yes, why not?” he asked with a carefully controlled voice, and Sho shrugged.  
“Don’t know. But you seem down. You know you can talk to us if you have any worries?” Sho asked, and the glare was back.  
“It’s nothing. Don’t you dare to tell anybody you think I’m not okay,” Jun said icily and stood. “It has nothing to do with you.”  
“Mr Perfect. I don’t want to hear anything from you. You hate being in Arashi and you hate it if you are holding back. I’m sorry,” his paradox said sadly in the end, and Jun ran out of the room.  
Sho sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead. Yes, Jun was the one who wanted to debut the most but the pressure the boy put himself under wasn’t healthy. Sho wished he was better with the younger.   
Jun had once looked up to him, and slowly Sho was worried that this admiration had turned to hate slowly but surely because Jun tried to keep up but failed at least in Jun's eyes. Sho thought he was doing okay, as did the others. Jun just needed to give himself a little more time to see that himself.

Jun's mood got considerably better a few days later, though, because he got a role in a drama and was consistently praised by the directors there. Sho was relieved to see Jun so happy even if he was often insecure whenever they talked about singing or even dancing.  
It was strange for Sho. Jun always said his dancing wasn't good enough to keep up with the other three. He couldn't do backflips, and his arms and legs never seem to fully do what he wanted them to do - which was mostly the fault of his sudden growth spurt. Sho had seen those problems in Aiba when he got it a few years prior, Nino never had that problem because he didn't grow as much and Ohno was just a natural at dancing Sho thought.   
What was funny though was that Jun still was looking at Sho's dancing with admiration in his eyes and Sho wasn't as good as Jun was. It was a long shot even to consider them at the same stage, honestly. But Jun never said or thought anything bad about Sho if he wasn't overly stressed and in a bad mood. If he was in a bad mood, Jun began badmouthing everything and anyone. Sho wished Jun would stop that. But till now Sho didn't know what he could do to squash that. Words didn't seem to help since Jun shot him those icy glares every time he tried to approach him.

\--

“Eh? So you don’t have a leader?” their senpai asked in a program, and all of them nodded confused. Why would they need a leader at all? “You need one. Who is the oldest?”  
Ohno lifted his hand while his paradox was panicking. “Me. But I can’t be a leader!” he quickly denied, and their senpai looked confused.  
“Why not?”  
“Because I don’t want to. I don’t even know if I am capable of staying in this group. Don’t make me do it. I don’t belong here,” Ohno's paradox cried, and Sho blinked a bit surprised.   
“Because it’s dangerous if I am it. I am no good,” Ohno answered slowly.  
“So let’s ask. Who do you want as your leader?”

Jun looked between Ohno and Sho and hesitated. “Sakurai-senpai would be more level headed, but he is so serious all the time. I don’t want that. Also, he will hate me if I am so bad at everything. Ohno-san is more laid back. He wouldn’t get mad,” his paradox decided slowly, and Jun pointed at Ohno, whose eyes widened. Sho felt a pang of pain at those thoughts since he would never get mad at Jun or any of the others. At least he would try his best. But Sho also knew that Ohno was the better choice. Sho tended to get stressed easily and lash out if he did.  
“Ohno-san. I would like to see him trying it,” Jun answered, and the others nodded, and all said Ohno’s name. Ohno’s paradox was shocked but also a bit happy to know that they all think he would make a good leader somehow.  
"Still undecided, huh?" their senpai said and chuckled. "Then the only way we can solve that is during a game of janken between the oldest."  
Sho and Ohno walked to the front, and Sho felt his paradox hovering above his shoulders.   
“I don’t want to become the leader,” it whispered as Sho pulled rock and Ohno pulled paper and luckily won the match and the title. Ohno was still shocked when he returned to his seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised I have a really hard time to write Jun. So I'm sorry. Also, the last part of this chapter is more or less important in later chapters but since I am trying to work a bit chronologically it has to be placed here already. I hope you liked it ^^ I wanted to post it earlier with the rest but then AO3 went down. Sadly I was too slow to post all of the chapters before they went into the maintenance stance.


	8. Chapter 8

Jun continued to be moody. Most people though thought it was just him going through puberty. Mood swings were normal during that time. Nino even made jokes about that quite often. Nobody realised that Jun was down because of something. Sho wished he could tell the others to stop teasing Jun and try to help him be happier and more comfortable with himself. But what should Sho tell the others? And besides, it was Jun’s decision if he wanted others to know. Sho didn’t think it would be good to meddle with it.  
Jun’s paradox got darker and darker as the weeks and even months went by, and Sho didn’t know what he could do to help him. Sho didn’t want to pry too much since most people were able to get themselves out of a low mood.   
Of course, they sometimes needed a few pointers as a help, and Sho was always happy and ready to do just that, but whenever he got close to Jun, Jun would close up. He would all clam up and refuse to answer any questions or listen to Sho. Sho didn’t understand why and it hurt so much that now instead of looking at him bright eyed Jun turned away or scoffed at him.  
\--  
“I hate Nino and his perfect skin. He doesn’t even do anything to maintain it, and yet he doesn’t have any spots. Never had. Life is unfair. Why won’t they go away?” Jun’s paradox mumbled depressed as they were sitting in a room for makeup and Jun looked forlornly into the mirror across from him. Sho tried to smile at him encouragingly but didn’t manage it as Jun never actually looked away from the mirror and didn’t realise what Sho tried noncommittally to do.  
“Do you have any tips for my skin?” he asked after a long while in a little voice the staff in front of him and carefully listened to all the tips she gave him.   
“Thank you. I’ll try that,” Jun said in the end and smiled thankfully at her. Sho was surprised but also relieved that that seemed to have helped. The paradox got a little lighter and planned where he could buy the things he needed. Sho hoped that Jun would calm down once he got over this patch of acne and be in a better mood again.  
\--   
As the weeks and months went on Jun often felt depressed at times but mostly was able to pull himself out of it right away or with just a little help of his friends and some people of the staff who were always ready to help whenever they could. Many people had a soft spot for the youngest because he was always so earnest and severe. Jun’s best trait was - if one asked Sho - that he was always fair to everybody around him. He treated the staff as fairly and well as the other members.  
“Hey MatsuJun, do you want to come with us. Oh-chan treats us to some ramen,” Nino asked and ignored the indignant cry of Ohno.  
“I never said that!” he mumbled and Sho grinned when his paradox murmured that of course, he would treat the younger members. Especially if that meant Jun would go with them. Ohno had already seen that Jun was sometimes cold to Nino and that that hurt the boy a lot.  
“I can’t, I have to work, and an exam is coming up. I can’t laze around just like you do. One of us has to work so that we get more recognised,” Jun said coldly and glared at Nino with more hatred than anybody of them was used too. Even Sho had never received that kind of look. And he was the enigma for Jun’s paradox most of the time. The whole room fell into a shocked silence and Nino stumbled back as if he was hit.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Nino answered, and Jun continued to ignore the sad tinge in his voice.  
“As if I would go eat ramen with you. My skin is bad enough without the oily soup, and I don’t want to gain weight even if it doesn’t matter with you,” Jun's paradox muttered, and Sho’s frown deepened. That was not like the Jun he used to know at all. And it was even worse than he was used to hearing him talk about himself. And Sho had listened to a lot of self-loathing coming from the younger whenever he was in a bad mood.  
“Jun,” Ohno said warningly when Jun looked like he was about to shout. “We didn’t want to upset you. Nino just thought it would be fun to spend a little time together without having to work. Perhaps you can join us another time,” Ohno added pacifying, and Jun watched him a moment before he deflated.  
“Okay. I’m sorry, Nino. I’m just really stressed at the moment. I’ll be happy when filming is over,” he mumbled and fled the room. Jun’s paradox was now crying freely about being unfair to Nino and making them all hate him. Especially their leader.  
Sho watched him leave before he looked at Nino who was being comforted by the others. “Don’t worry Nino-chan. Jun-kun is always stressed when there is an exam coming. At least he didn’t swear ne?” Aiba asked, and Nino agreed slowly.  
“Let’s head to that ramen bar,” Ohno added after a moment. “The Curry Ramen is the best there. I promise you’ll love it. And I even buy you the biggest bowl they have.”  
Nino agreed a little happier, and they headed out to finally get some food. Sho was sure that everything would look brighter if they ate a bit. He looked once more at the door where Jun had gone through just a few minutes ago. Out of experience, Sho knew he wouldn’t find him anywhere. Until now Sho never found the hiding spot Jun used in this agency. He was sure Nino or Aiba knew though since they were friends for longer. Sho sighed and hoped that Jun would feel better the next time they saw each other. At the moment, Jun would probably not welcome him even if Sho indeed did find him.

The next day Jun apologised to Nino with a little present, and Nino nodded with a smile even if he still was a little bit miffed that Jun was so angry with him without any real reason at that. At least there was peace once more between the five of them and Sho decided to let it rest for the moment. He didn’t want to make anybody sad or mad again because he spoke about what happened exactly yesterday again.  
“I’m worried about Jun-kun,” his paradox said nonetheless, and Sho nodded a bit at those words. He was worried, but he was also scared to do anything that might hurt one of them. “Let’s wait but watch him make sure he is okay,” his paradox finally added and Sho agreed silently as he watched how Jun’s paradox again went a little darker as he was looking at himself in the mirror.  
\--  
“Get it together, Aibashi,” Jun cried out when Aiba almost fell while taking a turn in their new choreography. It was a complicated dance, and Aiba wasn’t the only one who made mistakes. They all were. Jun, too, so he was more aggravated than usually. Ohno was, in fact, the only one who was able to more or less grasp the steps and to do them without any significant problems.  
“I’m sorry,” Aiba mumbled, and Sho asked their trainer for a rest. The woman thankfully allowed them a half an hour rest, and they all went to receive their water bottles and sat down at the side together in a little group.  
“Aiba-chan let me show you those steps again,” Ohno offered, and the boy nodded thankfully. Ohno led Aiba through the steps carefully while the others already rested and were able to spot why he always lost his balance. Now Ohno could quickly correct Aiba’s stance.   
“Here. It’s easier like that,” Ohno smiled, and Aiba agreed after practising the turn a few times.  
“I think I will do it right the next time, thank you!” Aiba promised, and they sat down beside the others with Ohno to finally drink something, too.  
Jun read a script while his paradox chided himself for being so rude to Aiba. After all, Aiba didn’t do anything to earn his ire. Aiba grinned at the youngest because that was who Aiba was; Friendly to a fault and never mad at anyone.  
Nino leant against Ohno the moment the oldest sat down beside him and concentrated on his Game Boy throughout the rest time. He was occasionally nudged by Ohno and forced to take a few sips of his water during that period.  
When their training continued, and Sho watched Jun more than his steps and suppressed a sigh when he saw that Jun’s paradox began to complain about everything Jun did and how he looked while doing the dance.   
Jun’s little self-esteem was getting worriedly out of hand, Sho realised. Especially for someone who seemed so sure of himself it was a great shock to watch his paradox getting mad over the silliest things. Sho decided that he couldn’t keep watching but had to try to help Jun no matter what now actively. That couldn’t go on like that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have such a hard time with Jun's part. I am so sorry if it is so bad. And please don't forget this is all fiction. I just need them all to have some problems which not everybody knows off.


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey Jun? I have a coupon to bring along a friend to the gym in the next two months. Are you interested in coming?” Sho asked after a few more days and showed him the coupon to prove his point. He trained there two to three times a week for two years now and as a gift (and of course to advertise the gym) he got the coupon to share with a friend. It was the perfect opportunity to help Jun a bit out here hopefully.   
Jun was overly worried about his body and thought he was getting fat or not defined enough that he skipped a few meals now and then already. Sho didn’t have a problem with wanting to look good, after all, he went to the gym to have a well-defined body, but skipping meals and eating even less than Jun normally wouldn't be okay. Not generally and especially not with the amount of work they did. Sho hoped to be able to help him in this way at least a bit. Jun could do something for his body and probably self-esteem, and the trainers would help him with a healthy meal plan if he wanted.  
“Why do you ask not one and me of the others?” Jun asked curiously and a bit confused.   
“Do you think I’m getting fat? Oh, God. I knew it. I have to skip lunch today, too, to lose weight,” his paradox panicked, and Sho put his hand on his shoulder to calm him down, hopefully.  
“Nino is too lazy to train anything but his thumbs outside of work, Aiba is into gymnastics and uses his free time to play baseball or learn the dances, Satoshi doesn’t have any interest in any training outside of dancing and running. I thought you might have fun training like me? Just to look into it,” he said carefully and was glad when he realised that Jun and his paradox were listening carefully.  
“I would be happy if you would like to try. We could get something to eat afterwards, too. It’s fun, I promise, and different from what we do each day.”  
“It could help to gain some muscles,” Jun’s paradox murmured, and after a long while, Jun finally nodded. Sho let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and grinned.  
“Great. Just tell me when you would have time for around two hours, okay? I know you have still some drama shooting left and with the end exams coming up you have a lot to do, right?”

“Yes… It’s a lot,” Jun said after a minute or so. “I have to take voice lessons for our upcoming album too,” he mumbled worriedly.   
“I don’t want to hold you back. I would never forgive myself if I am the reason Arashi will fail,” his paradox added and Sho hat to hold himself back not to hug the younger one as tightly as he could until he forgot all about such silly thoughts. But of course, Sho had already learnt to hold back such impulses. And he didn’t want to ruin what he had achieved already.  
“I’m sure you will do fine. If you need any help just ask, okay? I will try my best to help you the best I can. And I’m sure the others will also.”  
“If they don’t hate me, yet,” his paradox said sadly, and Sho ruffled Jun’s head. They were all careful around Jun, not because they hated him but because nobody wanted to cause any additional stress on him. Sho knew the other three were also thinking about what to do so that they’ll get the goofy Jun back they got used to. Or at least an emotional stable Jun.  
“Don’t worry. Nobody hates you, but you need to find relief from all the stress you build up other than lashing out to the other members or staff. And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You are good as you are,” he explained, and Jun shrugged.  
“I’ll try better,” Jun promised, and his paradox sulked when Sho mentioned him being good as he was. Jun didn’t believe him at all.  
“Okay. Thank you, Jun. Don’t forget to tell me about the appointment ne? I have to call the gym so that a trainer is available for us when you come to me.”  
“I will. Thank you, Sho-senpai,” Jun said much happier now.

Jun got into training just as Sho had hoped he would and he talked a lot to the trainers about how he would be able to get more muscles and eat healthier. Sho didn’t think that Jun’s relationship to food was a healthy or normal one afterwards with all the seemingly super foods he tried out or when he fastened regularly. But it was better than not eating for days without anyone to pay attention if he was doing okay.  
With the training and the trainers who were all for being healthy and leading a healthy lifestyle nobody let him try anything dangerous because it would influence his training schedule and success.  
He got better at the dance training and instead of shouting at the others to try harder he took calming breaths and helped Aiba or Sho to get the steps right. Jun was mostly the first to comment on something wrong together with Ohno who had sworn to himself that he would try his best that nobody would hurt himself if he could be the one to prevent it.  
Sho knew that Ohno had been particularly worried about Nino because he would try too hard and too much and often injure himself slightly if they weren’t careful enough. Sho worried for him, but at the moment Ohno was the one who was the best to prevent anything from happening. Nino listened to Ohno after all. Sho looked at Aiba who was his usual happy self and sidled up beside him to enjoy the calmness that washed over him because no paradox was talking even while its owner stayed silent. Sho still treasured those moments he could be close to Aiba even if he liked to be able to see what the others felt through their paradoxes. But now that Jun finally was getting better he felt as if he didn’t need to be in constant supervision of him.

Of course, Jun still went through different emotions daily, and his character seemed to shift with every character he played in dramas. But that didn’t worry Sho too much. It would have been strange if Jun was all okay after just a few month of regular training in the gym.  
Slowly Jun got more stable, somehow. It was as if through the different roles Jun played he learnt who he was. And it was nice to observe Sho thought. Jun didn’t shout in their dressing room, and with the fan base, he gathered he didn’t have such negative thoughts about himself anymore.  
Sho was glad to see Jun striving so much. He was sure that with time passing by Jun would become even more confident of himself and feel more comfortable in his body. At least the acne was gone now and didn’t reappear if Jun didn’t eat too much fast food. That was one less worry for Jun to think about and Sho was glad for it.

—

“Hey Jun!” Nino called the youngest when he entered their Green Room after he was the last one to record a song for their new single and sidled up beside him. Nino put his arm over his shoulder and grinned brightly.  
“Do you want to join us for lunch? Oh-chan is paying again.”  
“Oi! Nino, I never said anything about treating you. Come on. You earn as much as I do,” Ohno whined while his paradox smiled amused at Nino.   
“I will pay everything for you, of course,” it said, and Sho snorted a little. Ohno fought a losing battle with Nino and more importantly with himself.  
“But you don’t have to pay rent,” Nino said in a sing-song voice and looked at him with big pleading eyes. “You wouldn’t let us die in hunger death, would you?” he asked in a whining voice, and Sho shook his head amused while he packed their things. 

Ohno officially lost against their resident brat at those words and nodded. “Of course I will pay for you,” he said in the end, and Nino cheered loudly as he threw himself at Ohno.  
“Thank you, Oh-chan! You are the best,” he grinned and kissed his cheek softly in thanks. Ohno’s paradox blushed badly at that and Nino looked at Jun again.  
“So, do you want to come?” he asked again. “I checked your schedule. Today you should be free, right? Please let’s go together.”  
Jun hesitated for a moment, and Sho could see that he was going through everything he ate that day and yesterday, just to make sure that a cheat day was okay before he finally nodded.  
“Okay. If Ohno-san pays for us,” he said in the end, and Aiba grinned as he took Jun’s hand. Until then he had listened to the banter of the three silently, but Sho could see in his stance that he - as all three of them did - waited anxiously for an answer of the youngest band member.  
“Yay. Let’s go!” Nino shouted and tugged Jun and Ohno along with him out of the door. Nino smirked amusedly as he followed them with Sho by his side.   
“You did a good thing,” Nino mumbled just as Sho checked their Green Room again just to make sure he had everything from everybody and there wasn’t any litter left on the floor. Sho looked up surprised but before he could ask what Nino meant exactly the other had chosen to ran up to Aiba and tug Ohno’s hand out of Aiba’s and was now scolding the other about hurting his poor, dear Oh-chan. Sho shook his head at that and decided Sho just imagined Nino’s words. Because what could he had meant? After all, nobody knew about Sho’s meddling into Jun’s affairs.


	10. Chapter 10

Sho sat in the Green Room - alone he was the first one to arrive as usual - and used the calm to read his newspapers of today. He had his cup of coffee in one hand and used the other to turn the pages of the paper on the table in front of him. He almost missed the door opening because he was so concentrated on what he read.  
He had nodded at the silent greeting of Nino before the younger sauntered off to get himself some coffee from the table the staff had prepared earlier for their meeting. With his cup - blue with a yellow Pac-Man, a gift from Jun once - he came back, and Sho looked up after a moment of silence from the other. It was seldom that even Nino’s paradox was all silent, so he was confused. Sho checked if the paradox was still there and was somehow relieved that it was still there but staring at him quite curiously.  
Nino was looking at him his head was cocked slightly to one side. “Sho-chan looks like my dad somehow,” he mused with a little smile as he took a sip of his coffee.  
“At least I think my dad looked like that? I think I have the memory that he did,” his paradox added a little more sadly, and Nino looked for a moment so lonely that it was hard to bear for Sho. He lifted his arm and motioned for the younger to come over. Nino was a little confused but did as Sho motioned, and Sho hugged Nino tightly as soon as he was leaning against his side. Nino gasped a little but continued to sip his coffee while he cuddled even closer to Sho while pretending that he was completely fine and that it was Sho who just acted strangely.  
Sho pretended that he didn’t realise how Nino rubbed his nose against his shoulder with a little sniff and continued to read his newspaper in silence. It was seldom that Nino spoke of his father and they all let him cuddle up to them whenever he did.  
Ohno once thoughtfully said that they just didn’t talk to each other about how great their dads were when Nino was around. It was just the one thing you didn’t do when you knew that your friend and band member occasionally missed his father more than anything else in the world and you can’t change that.

They stayed like that until Nino emptied his coffee and the door opened again with Jun coming inside this time.  
“Good morning,” Sho and Nino greeted, and Jun mumbled something that you could translate to good morning if you tried hard.  
“As always so grumpy in the morning,” Nino’s paradox cooed, and Sho looked at him a little bit amused. Nino didn’t say anything, though, but he stood up to make new coffee for them. He gave Jun one cup and sat down on another seat to bring out his game. Nino put his earphones in and began playing a game while Jun read a magazine and Sho tried to concentrate on his newspapers once more. But it was hard since Nino’s paradox was tearing up while he remembered his father and Sho didn’t know how to help Nino not to feel lonely. Luckily Jun and his paradox were mostly quiet and were just mumbling about the points they would have to talk about at today's meeting. Sho almost asked Nino if he wanted to cuddle some more when Aiba entered. Aiba hopped over to them and threw his arms around Nino from behind.  
Nino was startled and blinked when Aiba took an earphone for himself and sidled up beside him.  
“Let me watch. I got stuck in that game,” Aiba whined, and Nino grumbled a bit while he made enough space for Aiba to watch him play and silently told him pointers as to what he could do to get further at his own game.   
Sho calmed down when Nino’s paradox seemed to be in a better mood and proceeded to throw taunts at Aiba when he didn’t understand something at the first or second try.

“Hey Nino, is everything okay?” Sho asked as he entered the room a few days later and Nino looked up seemingly confused. Nino was such a good actor when he wanted to be.  
“Yes? Why?” he asked as he carefully changed into the clothes for their shoot.  
“Don’t know you look kinda frazzled,” Sho observed him for a moment and flinched when he saw the bruises on his side.  
“I fell at the training,” Nino explained as he realised his looks and changed into a clean shirt.  
“Wouldn’t have though if some annoying junior didn’t oh so accidentally pushed me while we were rehearsing but oh well. Can’t make them all love you now,” his paradox added sarcastically and looked rolled his eyes annoyed. Sho thought he saw a lonely look into its eyes for a moment though he couldn’t be sure. Why the hell could Nino’s paradox hide its feelings that well?  
“Poor baby,” Sho cooed and hugged him tightly for a moment. “Be careful the next time, ne? We don’t want you to hurt yourself,” he added and relished in the bright glint Nino’s eyes took at those words.  
“Who needs friends if I have Arashi?” his paradox chirped and hugged Nino close to itself.  
“Why are we hugging?” Aiba asked happily as he entered the room and bounded over to them to join them in their hug happily.  
“Ugh… You are heavy, Aibaka”, Nino moaned and squirmed in their arms for a bit until he managed to escape that hug so that Aiba and Sho were now hugging. He giggled when the older loosened their embrace a bit surprised and looked at Nino.   
Sho laughed at the smirking man beside them and ruffled his hair before he changed together with Aiba who was telling him about his day until now loudly while Nino went back onto the sofa to lay down and play some more on his gaming device. Sho didn’t see what he brought with him, but he could hear the happy music that started playing almost immediately. Sho was glad that Nino was happy once more even if his paradox was still slightly blue.


	11. Chapter 11

Nino sat on the sofa a few weeks later making himself as small as possible on his half of it. Ohno sat on the other side and was looking a bit confused and even hurt at Nino when Nino didn’t react in any way to him. Ohno’s paradox scooted closer to the boy on the other end, and Sho was more than surprised that it touched Nino’s shoulder worriedly and then the head of Nino’s paradox. Nino laid completely still, but his breath hitched when Ohno’s paradox was touching him.

He closed himself off a little more tightly, and Sho watched him confused.  
“Is everything okay?” he asked and sat across from them. Ohno shrugged, and Nino rolled himself into an even tighter ball if even possible. Sho asked himself how he even managed it.  
“Nino was like that when I arrived,” he explained in the end and shuffled worriedly beside the younger man.  
“I don’t know what to do. Nino doesn’t want me to touch him. I can’t. Please help Sho-chan. I’m bad at this. I am such a bad leader after all,” his paradox cried panicked and watched Nino with frightened eyes.

Sho looked at Nino for answers and had a hard time to recognise the paradox that hid behind Nino in an even tighter ball. He sighed and knelt beside Nino. Softly he ruffled his hair and begged his paradox to help him.  
He never experienced something like that. “Nino, what happened? You are scaring us,” he said slowly and tried to force Nino out of his hiding.  
Nino looked at him for a moment before he loosened his grip on Nino’s face and Nino shuffled as close as he could to Ohno. Ohno automatically held him tightly in his arms and buried his head in his hair.

“I’m sorry. Don’t know what happened,” Nino mumbled slowly and gulped a little.  
“They say, that you aren’t my friends. That I am just annoying and lazy,” his paradox said with tears in his eyes, and Nino hid even more in the warmth that was Ohno’s embrace. He calmed down slowly, greatly helped by Ohno’s paradox who now embraced Nino’s paradox and whispered ‘I love you’ into his ear. Sho knew Nino couldn’t hear that but just the action brought warmth to his cheeks and he relaxed significantly after a moment.  
“I think you had a mild panic attack or something like that,” Sho offered and sat back. “Something happened lately?”  
Nino shrugged and closed his eyes tiredly. “Just shooting dramas and our shows, and the new album. I think I’m getting ill,” he confessed, and Ohno patted his head before he rearranged the thin boy in his arms.

Ohno patted his lap and grinned at him. “Lay down and get some sleep until the others arrive. You can use me as your pillow,” he offered hopefully, and his paradox swept happily into the air as Nino nodded and laid down as he was told. Sho got him a blanket for cover and sat back. All three were silent until Nino’s soft breaths filled the room and Ohno looked up worriedly at Sho.  
“Do you think everything is okay now?”  
“It’s at least better now,” Sho offered and shrugged. “I’m sorry that I can’t say much.”  
“It’s okay. Nino is a lonely boy ne?” Ohno asked, and Sho nodded slowly.  
“Yes…”

— 

Nino sat on the sofa a few days and played with his DS as Sho came into the room. He was the first here again. Sho watched him for a moment before he sat across from him.  
“One could think you live here at the moment,” he said, and Nino looked up for a moment and then followed Sho’s glance to the big bag in the corner. Nino shrugged a little and continued to play his game.  
“I kind of do. I have so many things to do at the moment that it’s easier just to sleep here. So I have at least an hour more I can use to rest,” Nino explained, and Sho hummed in understanding.   
“And it’s not as if anybody would miss me at home,” his paradox added and Sho watched him for a moment more, before he took his newspaper and tried to concentrate on them. It was clear that Nino didn’t want to talk to him about his thoughts and he respected that, of course. At least the panic attack - or whatever it was, Sho decided to just go with that - a few days earlier hadn’t repeated itself so Sho thought it would be okay.

The others came inside and greeted them silently before each of them settled on a comfortable surface, and Ohno laid back with his head on Nino's shoulder to take another nap before they were called inside to change clothes and start to shoot the new PV.  
Sho looked over at Nino who moved around almost sluggishly, and he looked tired. Sho realised that what Nino said beforehand was true. He did only meet with co-workers in the moment and of course the other band members for work. Of course, he was tired and lonely. They seldom went out to have lunch or dinner together, so everything around Nino was work related different from them who had free time to meet up with friends or family.  
As soon as they finished shooting Nino was off to follow a manager to his car to get to the next place where he had to be in less than an hour.

“Sucks to be Nino at the moment,” Jun said beside him, and Sho nodded before he looked at Jun.  
“You are already used to such schedules, huh?” he asked then, and Jun shrugged.  
“Not really. It’s always hard to be always on tour but it gets better after a while again, and that’s what is important.”  
“You are probably right.”  
“You shouldn’t worry Sho. Nino is okay.” Sho hummed a little at that. 

Neither Ohno nor Sho had told anybody about the near panic attack and loneliness that had to befall Nino that one time. Sho looked at Ohno who looked tired himself and rubbed his face.  
“We should go out to dinner or something like that when work is less demanding,” Sho said in the end, and Aiba agreed when he heard his words.  
“Sounds like the best idea someone had in weeks,” he grinned, and Sho laughed a little.  
“If you say so.”


	12. Chapter 12

Nino was the one who got the news about Aiba’s collapsed lung the last. He was in the middle of shooting when it all happened and their manager only told him when he finished. Of course, he got to the hospital as fast as possible only to find the other members already sitting there.

“Why are you only coming now?” Jun asked angrily and Nino took a little step back. He didn’t think he would get yelled at as soon as he entered the room. Sho stood up and got in between the both of them.

“Jun I know you are overly worried and stressed because we don’t know how Masaki is,” he said slowly speaking Jun’s thoughts out loud. “But you should not yell at Nino. We are in a hospital and they might throw us out if you cause a ruckus. And I’m sure Nino didn’t know earlier.”

“Yes, Saitou-san just told me,” Nino answered meekly and fled to Ohno’s side. Ohno watched the dispute worriedly and at the same time, his paradox chastised himself that he didn’t get in between as he probably should as their leader. Nino’s paradox hid a little behind Ohno and his own paradox as if that would protect him from any blows Jun might continue to throw at him.

“I know I am a bad friend because I am the last. MatsuJun didn’t have to yell at me and outright tell me that. I came as fast as I could,” his paradox whispered and looked outright miserable. “I should have seen that he wasn’t feeling well though,” it added and Sho tugged Jun along himself to sit beside the other two.

“I think I speak for us all if I say that we are all worried,” Sho said slowly and all gave little sounds of agreement. “So no use at getting mad at others and making them miserable,” he chided Jun once more who ducked his head and looked at Nino.

“I’m sorry,” he said in the end and Nino shook his head.

“It’s okay. Do any of you know what happened? Saitou-san only told me that they brought Aibashi into the hospital earlier.”

“His lung collapsed. They are operating him but they said he will be fine,” Sho answered and tried to ignore the frantic panicked voices around him. It was hard since his own nerves were throttled as well and really he just wanted some calm and peace. Just a bit to recollect his own thoughts. After a short moment, he stood up and messed up his hair. “I’m going to the vending machine. Something you want?” he asked the others and got three mumbled replies of coffee. He took his time through the corridors and was more than happy for the silence that surrounded him finally.

When he came back the others were much calmer too and Sho contributed the cans of coffee before sitting down beside Jun and Ohno. Nino sat on the other side of Ohno and seemed to want to bring as much space between him and Jun as possible. He was still shaken by Jun’s outburst it seemed.

They all sat in silence, happy when finally Aiba’s mother came to them and told them that Aiba was more or less fine. At least he lived more would be shown as time went. They thanked and left the hospital to go home to get at least a little sleep.

 

Nino entered the room a few days after Aiba’s hospitalisation and sat nervously on a chair inside their Green Room.

“Aiba is such an idiot. All he is doing is panicking about holding us back. Why can’t he understand that his health is more important than this dumb band? And why doesn’t he believe me when I tell him? Aiba can’t lie even if he tries. Does he think so little of our friendship? Doesn’t he think we are friends?” his paradox asked himself while Nino scowled at his own reflection. He childishly kicked the wall in front of him and groaned a little while he sat differently in his seat.

“What has the wall done to you?” Sho asked after a moment.

“It’s mocking me,” Nino mumbled in a pouting voice and Sho rolled his eyes.

“No really, what’s the problem? You visited Aiba-chan, didn’t you?”

“Yes. And he is a big idiot!” Nino grumbled and glared at himself in the mirror. “All he does is apologising for being in the hospital and that he will do his best to come back as fast as he could. He should look after himself and not worry about us!”

“Aiba fears that they would kick him out,” Ohno said as he entered, as he had only heard the last bits. “You know how insecure he is because he got the offer so late.”

“Yes, but…” Nino hung his head and Ohno patted it softly.

“And I’m sure he misses playing around with you. Being in the hospital was really boring for someone like him. So let him whine as much as he wants.”

“If you say so,” Nino agreed reluctantly and Sho smiled when he realised that his paradox preened under the attention of Ohno.

“You two are so cute,” Sho grinned and both glared a bit at them.

“We are not!” Nino denied hotly and Ohno shrugged a bit hurt at that. Nino seemed to realise that and hugged Ohno close to himself.

“We are hot and sexy. Just like Yuuji and Taka are, ne Oh-chan?” he grinned and Ohno nodded now happier.

“Yup. Because Taka loves Yuuji,” he added and Sho grinned a bit.

“Did you think of a new sketch?” he asked curiously and both winked at him.

“It’s a secret,” they answered and laughed when they realised that they were completely in synchrony for the moment. Sho rolled his eyes good naturally when they began a skit as Yuuji and Taka and laughed when Jun entered just to groan and leave the room again.

“Aww… Junny doesn’t like us, Taka,” Nino whined and Jun who didn’t close the door yet looked in the room just for a moment.

“You two are just crazy. I don’t know why Sho loves your duo.”

“Because it’s love~” Nino sang and laughed madly when Jun gagged because Ohno used this moment to serenade his undying love for Yuuji.

“Idiots,” Jun decided and they grinned before they parted to get ready for the magazine interview they had to do soon.


	13. Chapter 13

It took a few week until Aiba came back. Aiba was apologetic and worried because he had to leave Arashi all alone for such a long time. It was hard to convince him that they didn’t hate him because of it. Nobody was mad at him, after all, they were just happy he was able to come back to them. Arashi wasn’t Arashi without anyone of them.

Sho wasn’t sure that Aiba believed them, though. There seemed to be a dark aura around him and Sho was worried because of that. Also, Nino looked worriedly at Aiba every now and then. Sho wanted to intervene but he didn’t know how. Sho sighed and gave up on reading his textbooks.

“Don’t you think Aiba behaves differently?” Nino asked him when he realised that Sho finally didn’t study anymore. His paradox was hugging Nino close and mumbling something about threads that were fraying and getting thinner. Sho didn’t understand anything and yearned to ask Nino about what he was talking about. But he was scared that Nino would be mad at him for reading his innermost thoughts. 

“Yeah. I think he still hasn’t forgiven himself fully,” Sho agreed and Nino bit his lip worriedly. He looked so hurt so that Sho hugged him for a moment with one arm. “Don’t worry. We will make him see that it’s okay. Aiba-chan just thinks that he is a burden in the moment for us. We will have to make sure to show him that he isn’t.”

Nino nodded and Sho smiled when he realised that Nino’s paradox nodded also. “I will do my best and work hard!” it decided and Sho grinned a bit. That was the motivation they needed and Sho was glad that Nino was such a good friend for Aiba. 

 

Life got hectic but just as they had promised they worked hard and were careful to make sure that Aiba knew that he was loved and Sho was relieved to see that the black aura around the boy became less and less and seemed on the verge of vanishing. That was good to see. 

Then Nino got ill and nobody realised until he collapsed in the middle of their training. Sho was as shocked as they all were and stared at Nino for a moment without reacting in any way. He couldn’t believe that they all had overseen how Nino felt. Sho couldn’t understand how he had missed it. They knew Nino was prone for hiding how he felt but Sho normally made sure to check up on him regularly.

Sho hated himself more than a bit that he didn’t look after the younger man because he was so occupied with making Aiba smile that he probably overlooked how serious it all was. No excuse was enough. Even if Nino’s paradox seemed mostly okay, he and Nino himself were more sluggish than usual for the last few weeks. But Sho had told himself that it was only because of their workload and nothing to worry about. How wrong he has been!

 

Sho needed longer than the others to make any sense of Nino lying there unresponsive that he couldn’t move for a moment. All of them didn’t know what to do before Jun jumped up and hastily left the room. 

Sho heard him calling for an adult and for someone to call an ambulance. Aiba was crying above Nino and Ohno just stared at him without moving completely frozen and it took Sho a moment to wake him from his shock. Even Ohno’s paradox seemed to be frozen even if it was faster to come to its sense and move to Nino’s side.

“Help me to move him into a more comfortable position, Satoshi. Or better even on his side,” Sho mumbled and Ohno thankfully did as he was told. His paradox was happy to be able to help. 

“Aiba-chan call his mother and then let’s pack up. We can’t stay here.” Aiba nodded thankfully and did as he was told and Sho only faintly listened to the explanation Aiba gave Nino’s mother.

Sho’s eyes were locked on the pale unresponsive paradox that didn’t even react to the nudges of Ohno’s paradox and a shudder ran over his back at that sight. He was glad when Jun came running back with a manager hot on his heels and told them that the ambulance would arrive soon.

 

Not even an hour later they were at the hospital with Nino closed off in a room with a doctor and luckily his mother who was able to come directly for her son to check what happened.

Sho watched the others who were all very worried about their band member.

“I should have made sure that he ate!” Jun’s paradox mumbled beside him nervously. “I saw he didn’t eat much but I thought he knew better. Apparently, he didn’t. I will never let that slide again,” it swore and Sho tried hard not to smile. It was kind of cute imaging that Jun would from now on start nagging on all of them to eat enough between shots and work. Aiba on his other side was strangely calm and watched the closed door intensely. Sho would have liked to know what he really thought of it but he wasn’t ready to break the silence and ask such a thing. Aiba probably remembered his own time in hospital right now though.

 

“I hope Nino will be okay for the next concerts,” Jun mumbled and Aiba nodded silently. 

“Thinking of being as four on the stage isn’t right,” he agreed and Sho had to nod at those words. Ohno didn’t seem to hear them as he still hadn’t moved from his place right beside the door behind which Nino’s mother, the doctor and Nino were.

“Nino has to be okay. He can’t die,” his paradox said panicked and was moving around restlessly. It was a stark contrast for Sho and he got up, in the end, to push Ohno into a chair and squeezed his hand hard.

“Calm down. Nino will be okay,” he promised and sighed when Ohno didn’t react to his words in any ways but just looked right through him.

Sho heaved a relieved sigh when soon after Ninomiya-san left the room and joined them. Sho offered her his seat and looked at her anxiously. Her paradox was crying because of the sight of her son that reminded her too much of the times when Nino was hospitalised when he was still a child. Sho sighed a bit when he realised that Nino was probably prone to illnesses if he didn’t take care of herself.

“How is he?” Jun asked finally and she sighed deeply before looking at them with a small smile. A part of her was mad at them for not noticing but another - the bigger part - was happy that her son had such good friends.

“He has to stay here for the moment but it isn’t that bad, luckily. I think you lot should go home and try not to worry too much. He will be fine soon,” she answered them and they nodded reluctantly. Nobody really wanted to leave before seeing Nino. They left slowly and Sho brought Ohno along so that he was sure that Ohno got home to his parents safely.

“I don’t want any of this. It’s too much,” Ohno’s paradox said tiredly and Sho tried to ignore him for the moment. He did know that most of Ohno’s words were just because of Nino in the moment but it hurt to think that Ohno still was reluctant to stay with Arashi.

 

Nino had to stay at the hospital for a while and they had seldom time to visit him since they had rehearsals and other works to do. Their concerts were drawing closer and they didn’t know yet what would happen. 

They all took turns with visiting Nino who grew bored easily. He was not fit enough to concentrate long enough on watching TV and since he was on an IV he had to hold is hand and arm still to not dislocate the needle so playing games was not really an option, either. His mother and sister tried to visit him as often as they could but with work and university, it wasn’t easy. And Nino was the kind of human being that smiled at everybody and told them that he enjoyed his rest and the silence around him even if he felt really lonely on the inside and his paradox looked sad almost all the time.

Sho waved when he entered the room and Nino looked up curiously when he heard the door opening. “Oh, it’s just you,” he feigned disinterest and disappointment and Sho rolled his eyes.

“What a nice greeting,” he said ironically and sat beside the bed.

“I got you some melon pan. I wanted to buy chocolate but since you like melon pan better,” he shrugged and helped Nino to open the paper so that he could eat it. “I also brought you some manga Aiba recommended. He told me that he will be able to visit soon.”

“It’s okay, Oh-chan brought some last time he visited. It seems that you all want to fat me up,” he mock-grumbled and Sho ruffled his hair.

“Sorry, sorry. How are you feeling?”

“My hand and arm are hurting like hell,” Nino grumbled but then he finally gave up on his facade and pulled a little grimace. “But other than that I’m fine. A bit bored but at least I can sleep as much as I want and don’t have to see so many faces.”

“I miss you all so much. I’m so often alone,” his paradox whispered sadly and Sho patted his arm.

“We miss you, though. So don’t get too comfy here. We can’t wait to have you back.”

“I’m sure you are doing great even if I’m not there,” Kazu fired back and Sho rolled his eyes a little.

“Not really without you something is amiss. And there is nobody to make sure that Satoshi is awake or participating in any of our talks.”

“I will be back in time for the concerts,” Nino promised in the end and Sho grinned.

“Of course. We can’t hold concerts with only four members after all.”

“Yup. That’s true. You would all fail miserably and the fans would be so disappointed. So I will make everything to be able to join.”

They talked about other things for the rest of the day till Sho said his goodbyes and left to get home and let Nino rest a bit more.

 

As promised Nino was back for the concerts. He wasn’t back fully yet since he had to stay some more nights in the hospital after their performances but he was in happier spirits when he realised that they all really missed him and how nice it was to be with all of them again. 

It took Nino a few more weeks to be back fully and all of them were naturally really happy to have their missing member back without having to send him to the hospital each evening. That had been still scary for them. 

The happiest person was probably Ohno who for a whole day wouldn’t take the eyes off of Nino and was even closer to him than normally - which was a deed in itself. Ohno’s paradox was all around Nino’s, too, and Sho could see how the warmth of another paradox so close warmed up Nino’s paradox. Nino’s paradox was rosy-cheeked the whole time Ohno was close and it was such a cute thing to watch that Sho barely could take his eyes away from them. It was seldom that Sho saw Nino that happy and feeling loved like now. Normally Nino’s paradox looked at least a bit down from time to time but there was nothing today.

“Sho-kun is creepy,” Aiba said then and Sho looked up confused. He blushed a bit and Aiba grinned brightly. “Do you have a crush? I hope not because you won’t have a chance.”

“What? No, I don’t,” Sho answered laughing and leant back in his chair. “I just think the are both so cute together. Don’t you?” he added in a whisper so that the pair in front of them wouldn’t be able to listen in.

Aiba looked at them and giggled a bit.  
“Yes, they are. They are happy to be back together, huh?” Aiba asked and leant against the armrest of Sho’s chair. “It’s good to see Nino smiling again, ne? He was so gloomy all the time. That look wasn’t the best on his face.” Sho nodded and they both continued to watch them for a while until they were called for their shoots.


	14. Chapter 14

A few months later Nino came to them with a confused expression on his face. “What happened?” Aiba asked curiously when he sat down like usually beside Ohno who directly got even closer to lean his head on Nino’s shoulder.

“I will go to a casting for a Hollywood movie,” Nino explained slowly as if he wasn’t believing his words himself and they all looked surprised at that news.

“Eh? What? How come? Who decided that?” Aiba asked excitedly and Nino shrugged a little.

“Apparently, Johnny-san thinks my face looks like a soldier so that would be the perfect role for someone like me. I really don’t know.”

“But that’s cool. Do you know which directory it will be?”

Nino grinned happily suddenly and nodded. “Yup! Clint Eastwood. I am going to meet Clint Eastwood. Isn’t that great?” he asked excitedly. And Jun nodded surprised and obviously awed.

“A big shot, huh?”

“Yes. Although I don’t think I will get a role it would be great to see him once in my life. So, I am looking forward to it.”

Sho watched him amused as his paradox was nervous and excited at the prospect to see a director he admired all his life. Sho was positive that Nino would be even happier if he would be able to ask him for tips about directing and such things.

Then he frowned when his gaze fell to Ohno who smiled awkwardly beside him. His paradox was torn between proud and happy for Nino and it fervently hoped that Nino would fail in the audition. Ohno was literally beating himself up for those thoughts though and his paradox chided himself loudly for his bad thoughts regarding Nino’s big chance. 

  
Sho wanted to comfort Ohno because all of them were, of course, happy for Nino but somehow hoped that he wouldn’t get a role since that would most surely mean that he had to leave Japan for a while and none of them wanted that. Nino was among them with these hopes and it conflicted all of them but not as much as Ohno.

 

Nino looked at Ohno and grinned slightly. “It would be great if I got a role, though, ne? Then I can make Arashi better known and I can debut in Hollywood. Not all people can say that right?” he asked and looked hopefully at him. His paradox was a bit nervous about Ohno’s lack of reaction and only relaxed slightly when Ohno forced a bright smile on his face at his questions.

“Of course. You are a great actor. It would be the best.”

“Even if I am only playing a corpse?” Nino asked hopefully and Ohno giggled before he looked at him mock seriously.

“You would be the best and sexiest corpse that ever existed,” he explained as serious as possible and smiled amusedly when Nino broke out into loud giggles at his words.

“You really are an idiot,” he mumbled and Ohno pouted a little.

“But a cute one, admit it!”

Nino looked at him thoughtfully while his paradox swooned about how cute Ohno was. It took him a few minutes at which Ohno was getting nervous before Nino patted his cheeks and nodded.

“Yup, the cutest,” he agreed finally magnanimously and Sho snorted a little because Nino tried his hardest not to blush while his paradox was red in the face already.

 

Of course, of course, Nino has been successful at the audition and was to go to America for a few weeks in a bit. Nobody knew yet how long since nobody exactly knew as which role he had been cast and that was making everybody quite nervous.

“At least we will have finished the concerts till then,” Jun said slowly and tried to sound positive at that. Nino shot him a dry look and nodded.

“Yes, but it’s around the time we have that special show with the air band and the new song.” Nino rubbed his forehead and then bowed in front of them all. “I’m sorry for troubling you with this,” he whispered and closed his eyes. He was really nervous about it all, to be honest.

His paradox was nearly crying, too, now and Sho stood up fast to ruffle his hair. “It’s okay. It is such a great chance for you. You should try it out. We will be fine somehow,” he said and nearly kicked himself when Nino’s paradox didn’t seem any happier with those words.

“You don’t need me. I knew it. You would be so much better as you four,” it mumbled sadly and Nino forced a smile on his face. Sho really wanted to tear his hair out. He thought they were over Nino’s insecurities. But they came back in the worst situations.

“Thank you,” he mumbled after a moment and Aiba bounded over to hug him tightly.

“We will wait for you. So, don’t you dare to forget to come back,” he commanded and Sho was more than happy that they had Aiba and his bright self who always knew what to say when anybody was down. It was helping a lot.

“Who knows. Perhaps I will get scouted over there,” Nino said airily, clearly back with his teasing and feeling loved by his friends, and Sho tried his hardest not to laugh at that. Even if something like that would happen, Nino would be too lonely to not come back. Especially without Ohno beside him. His paradox watched Ohno the whole time and Sho knew that Nino didn’t want anything else than to hide in the arms of the older and pretend nothing of this ever happened and that he didn’t have to leave the older man.

Meanwhile, Ohno’s paradox went a deep sad blue and cried beside them. “I can’t do this without Nino. I don’t want to stay here when Nino isn’t here,” it whispered and Sho was surprised how fast Ohno worked himself into a panic while his face looked as impassive as ever.

“I don’t know why I ever said I would be fine here. Why I stayed in Arashi. I should have left shortly after we got together. It would have been easier,” it added and Sho hoped that Ohno would loose those thoughts as fast as possible. Sho knew that Ohno had those thoughts at the beginning but he seemed to be really happy with them in the last months and even few years. So it was strange to hear those thoughts again.


	15. Chapter 15

Nino said his goodbyes the evening before his flight when he and the others met for dinner. He was already sad and looked lonely, Sho realised as he watched the younger. They had succeeded in recording the new song and a few shows as fast as they could so that there would be little they had to record as four but it seemed just wrong to see Nino go.  
“Take care”, Jun said in the end when it was time to leave and Nino nodded. Ohno hugged his friend as tightly as he could and gave him a letter with a few notes inside.  
"It's for you to spend," Ohno mumbled and his paradox added: "And think of me while doing so.  
Nino grinned teasingly at that. “What shall I do with Yen in America Oh-chan?” he asked and Ohno faked a shocked expression.  
“They don’t use Yen in America?” he asked loudly and Nino laughed loudly.  
“No, they use Dollars, Oh-chan.”  
“Oh sorry. Then give it back?” Ohno said sheepishly and Nino shook his head while he pocketed it.  
“No way. You gave it to me. It’s mine. If you take it back it would be burglary,” he explained and Ohno mock-glared at him.  
“It’s so that you have to come back to spend it,” Ohno's paradox said in the end and Sho hid a smile behind his hand at that innocent thought. Of course, Nino would come back. It seemed to be silly that they thought different.

While Nino was in America he sent them all regular updates, who to his surprise would play one of the more important roles in the movie and therefore had to stay a little longer than just two or three weeks in America. All in all, Nino seemed to be happy with the filming and he seemed to like Clint Eastwood, so Sho was happy for the younger man as he could do something most people could only dream of.  
Ohno, on the other hand, got more depressed the longer Nino was away. It already had been bad when Nino was at the hospital that one time years ago but now it was even worse.   
At that time Ohno could at least visit Nino regularly whenever he wanted and had the time, now he was limited to e-mails and if he was lucky a call in between. So long nobody had been lucky as the time zones were too different and Nino’s schedule was fucked up. Not that theirs was that much better, to be honest. And that in combination made it impossible to find any time for them to call each other. (Nino even said he would never call them because of the money and that he would hate them if they would spend so much unnecessary money on him. But Sho knew he would be more than happy to hear their voices and would forgive them before he could get mad.)

Ohno didn’t want to dance or sing anymore and did everything half-heartedly and with a frown on his face. Sho was worried about him and tried to give him as much help as he could.  
“I want to leave. I don’t want to stay in a band,” Ohno's paradox said one evening and Ohno looked really worried about his thoughts as well.  
“I don’t like to stand on the stage and the fan girls are kind of scary with their yelling and the things they do. I wanted to own a bakery, why didn’t I do that?” it continued and Sho sidled up beside Ohno.  
“How are you?” he asked and Ohno furrowed his brow by the question. He sighed and shrugged a bit.  
“I’m fine. Like always. I’m thinking about how Nino probably feels all alone in America. Do you think he still thinks of us?” he asked carefully and Sho hugged him tightly for a moment.  
“Of course he does. He probably plans all kinds of pranks already. We should be careful for when he returns. There will be a revival of Ni no Arashi,” he joked and Ohno laughed a bit.  
“He stopped after the blood spitting prank, huh? At least, he toned it down greatly after that,” Sho said thoughtfully and felt the shudder run through Ohno at that reminder.

It was one of the worst pranks Nino had ever done. Especially for Ohno who was always worried about the younger. Sho had seen how his paradox had almost had a heart attack – if paradoxes could have heart attacks. It had cried and begged Nino not to die. Even after Nino had stood up and laughed at Ohno’s shocked face it wasn’t mad at Nino just thankful and relieved that he didn’t kill Nino.  
Sho didn’t know if soul mates existed but if so then Nino and Ohno definitely were soul mates. They cared for each other deeply and their paradoxes reacted only to the other and could touch each other easily. They also seemed to actually influence the other and that was something Sho had never seen before.  
Because of that, he loved watching both together because they looked complete when they were together. He only hoped that they would stay that way forever.  
But now Ohno seemed to really hate being with them as Arashi and Sho feared that even Nino wouldn’t be enough to keep him by their side. Sho didn’t want to lose him but he also didn’t want Ohno to be sad about being with them. And he didn’t want to force anyone to stay with them after all.


	16. Chapter 16

When Nino was back the bout of loneliness surrounding him was also back and Sho had to hold himself back not to hug the hell out of him. He wanted to tell him that everything was fine and that they missed him more than he could ever imagine. But he couldn’t. Not because it wasn’t true but because Nino wouldn’t believe him one bit.

To be honest he believed nobody. The weeks alone in America, where he couldn’t understand anyone and everything was foreign all around him he was in a very bad place. Nino got so much thinner and even if he tried to tease them and make fun of Aiba’s tears of joy it all seemed wrong.

Nino wasn’t true to himself and his paradox got darker and darker with each passing day. As it was he distanced himself from them all. As if Nino tried his best to not be hurt by anyone of them. Something they would never have done. And Nino hurt each of them this way. 

But they also understood, Nino was scared of being hurt by anyone; Afraid to be told that they did better with only the four of them that he wasn't needed anymore. 

Nino waited for Jun to shout at him that they were more at peace as four of them without him troubling them and being an absolute brat. So he tried to behave the best he could which felt just wrong. It wasn't the Nino they all loved and were used to.

Luckily nobody commented on Nino’s strange behaviour at all. Each of them seemed to realise that Nino was insecure about his place in the group and they didn't want to make it worse. 

Ohno would never even think about not having Nino with them, after all, and tried everything to make him see that but to no avail. 

Sho watched Nino watching the shows they recorded without Nino that aired while he was away and tried not to snatch the remote of his hand to shut the TV off.

“They look good as four. It’s like I always see them. It seems so right like that. Without me being there. Why is that? Am I really needed?” he asked himself and Sho wanted to shake him to make him see sense. There was a gap without Nino with them. Everywhere where Nino should have stood there was a gap that neither of them seemed to be able to really fill. They all left it without realising while filming. 

Ohno had tried to fill it out with the paper display of Nino from time to time but it didn’t work. It honestly made everything only worse and for Sho, the pictures he saw were just wrong. He didn’t understand how Nino could even think they were looking alright like that when they clearly didn’t.

 

“I miss Nino,” Ohno’s paradox thought when he tried to grab Nino’s hand only to have him turn away and speak with some of the staff about something Ohno didn’t care about.

“It seems as if he is still in America. Not with me or us. I want him to come back. Please come back. Or I don’t want to stay here.” Ohno watched Nino and bit his lips hard while Sho looked from one to the other.

Their paradoxes nearly never touched anymore and if they did on accident Nino immediately flinched away, he suddenly realised. Sho didn’t know what happened between them and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. At the same time, he did. He wanted to know so that he could somehow make it better again.

 

Sho found Ohno sitting on the sofa in their Green Room one morning alone and his paradox was seriously contemplating about their contract.

“If I want to leave I have to fulfil a few things in the contract before I am allowed to. But in the end, I am not totally forbidden. I could actually do it if I tried hard enough,” his paradox decided in the end and Sho wanted to shout out loud. 

What should he do? He didn’t know. He only knew that he wasn’t able to keep Ohno. In his mind, only Nino would be able if he opened himself up to Ohno once again. But Nino himself was so closed off, that Sho was sure that only Ohno could help him to open up to anybody again. Ohno, though, seemed to be too tired to even try.

Sho was at a loss as to how he could make both of them see reason without compromising his ability. Because he really didn’t know a correct way to tell the others that he could see their inner selves and their worries. All he only wanted was to calm them down and tell them: >Everything would be okay. So don’t worry. You actually love each other and want to be together and please be okay once more.<

Sho could just imagine how they would receive this. It would go down so great!


	17. Chapter 17

Ohno was even more closed off now than he ever had been and that was something that that was hard to achieve. Ohno was closed off, to begin with, and to top that was a great deed. Sho hadn’t thought that that would have been even possible.

It didn’t help that Ohno actually found fishing relaxing and was more often found on a boat than anywhere else. He got told off more often because of his skin colour and Sho could see that all of that weighed down hard on him even if he tried to hide if from them all. Sho sighed a little and laid his newspapers on the side. He really couldn’t concentrate on it at all. He was so worried that Ohno would crack because of everything.  
  
He leant back and looked at the ceiling of the Green Room. He was still alone since all of them were so busy with their different solo jobs that it hardly felt as if they were a group of five anymore. They only met for shootings for their regular shows.

It was hard and even Sho felt the frustration growing inside himself since he missed the teasing voices of his friends and the encouraging comments. It must be harder for Ohno since he wasn’t used to so many solo projects. It was worrying Sho how much weight Ohno lost already.

 

All of Arashi were worried about their leader, to be honest. They were proud that he finally had an own drama to shoot where he played the main character but it seemed too hard on him.

“I’m so tired. All I want to do is to sleep,” Ohno’s paradox mumbled when he entered and Ohno just let out a grunt of greeting when he fell onto the sofa and shut his eyes. “But I can’t with so little time in between shots and I only relax when I am on the see in the moment. I also really really want to fish. What should I do? I want all to stop. I want to quit.”

Sho bit his lips and tried the hardest not to go over and just hug him close. Tell him that it was all going to be okay and that he could quit if he really really wanted. But Sho didn’t want Ohno to quit so he couldn’t bring himself to say it to the older man. Regardless if that was possibly the only right thing to do if he thought about it.

Sho looked up when Nino came in the Green Room and sat beside their leader. As soon as he sat down the arm went around Ohno’s shoulder so that he could lay his head on Nino’s lap to get some much-needed sleep. Nino ruffled his hair softly and played with the shorter strands at the back of his neck so that Ohno could calm down and fall asleep. Soft snores assured Sho shortly after that Ohno really was finally asleep. He smiled when he saw the paradox of Ohno cuddling in the arms of Nino’s paradox and blushed when Nino frowned at him.

“Anything the problem Sho-chan?” Nino asked and Sho shook his head.

“Revival of Ohmiya-SK?”

“Nope… Not allowed since it doesn’t make sense. Everything we do has to make sense nowadays it seems,” Nino answered with a pout.

“I miss cuddling with Ohno on stage or playing around and touching him whenever and wherever I want with the excuse of the skit. Or kissing. The kiss on the stage was such a wonderful and unique thing,” the paradox whispered a bit sad and looked at Ohno. “I miss Oh-chan. I’m lonely without him close to me. Oh-chan come back, please?” it nearly begged and Sho’s heart broke a little as he realised how much Nino suffered under all of the stress accumulating around Ohno. Sho didn’t even know why they tried to keep a distance between themselves when they clearly feared better if they were together.

 

“I liked Ohmiya-SK though,” Sho pouted and Nino smiled a little.

“Of course. After all, you were our number one fan, ne?”

Sho nodded vigorously at those words. “Of course. Still am,” he said nearly inaudible and watched them both with a warm look on his face. It would be nice if the pair would be together in real life, too. Sho was sure that they would help each other a lot to face this world they lived in. But how should he ever tell them something like that?

 

The door opened and Aiba stepped inside. And his face fell when he saw him. Sho didn’t know what he should call what he saw. Aiba didn’t really have a paradox. But around him, a dark mass created little by little. Sometimes it disappeared completely. Sometimes it came back or did get a bit darker than the previous day. Sho knew that his sister and brother became like that when they slowly created their own paradoxes and to be completely honest it scared the shit out of Sho to see him slowly changing.

Aiba saw that Ohno slept and waved mutely at them. They greeted back as silently as Aiba did and settled in their respective places to do their own thing until Jun came and they had to get ready for their rehearsals. Nino woke Ohno as soon as Jun entered and poked his cheek when Ohno yawned loudly and cuddled closer to Nino.

“So warm… It’s nice,” Ohno’s paradox whispered sleepily and Sho couldn’t keep back a laugh a bit at those words.

“Wakey, wakey, Leader. It’s time for rehearsal and you should be awake then before any accidents happen,” Nino mumbled and grinned when Ohno tried to swat his hand away but was too uncoordinated to succeed. Ohno scrunched up his nose and whined lowly.

“Good morning sleepy-head,” Nino said in the end when Ohno finally opened his eyes fully and gave him a pouting look at the bright voice of his tormentor.

“Morning.”

“Here, leader some coffee to wake you up,” Aiba said amused at his antics and Ohno finally sat up as Nino jostled him a little bit so that he wouldn’t try to drink the hot beverage while leaning on him. Nino really didn’t need a shower of hot coffee this early in the morning.

 

“Hey J,” he greeted when Jun sat beside them with a little huff and took the second coffee from Aiba without a word. He was still grumpy like every morning. Even if he was the last person to enter their Green Room and most likely slept the longest of them.

“Why do we have rehearsal so early in the morning. We could have them in the evening.”

“I have a shooting in the evening,” Ohno mumbled sulkily and Nino poked his side a bit harder than necessary.

“And we wanted to have at least a few rehearsals in between with all of us. So in the morning, it is. I have a shooting later, too.”

  
—

  
A few days later they all met to an emergency meeting. When they arrived at the agency nobody had had the time to read the article that was printed in today's newspaper but Jun and Sho were able to find the rumours on the internet on their phones while they were driven to the agency. To say they were shocked was an understatement. Aiba wasn’t really interested in the rumours only worried about how they might influence them and most especially Ohno. Nino was fuming that some dumb reporters even dared to write something that could ruin Ohno so much to be really interested in what was actually written.

Sho and Jun exchanged looks full of worry and Sho bit his lip when Jun’s paradox was clearly torn between fury at their leader to be caught in such an affair and that it was possible to take such pictures. At the same time, he was strangely calm. Since it was clear for all of them that Ohno didn’t take any drugs even if the rumours said so. They knew which faces their leader made in different states of intoxication and this was clearly a look of Ohno being drunk and tired at the same time. A face they see often when they held concerts and met in his rooms afterwards.

 

“I will kill them all. I will find them and murder them if they hurt Ohno too much. That idiot won’t be able to understand that they are just some really envious idiots and that he shouldn’t worry too much about them. Why did they have to post such bullshit right now? Now when he has his first lead role? Oh I know it’s because of the prestige and that it can hurt him right now the most, but that’s no excuse. If I ever lay eyes on them…” Nino’s paradox seethed and Sho shuddered a bit at the murderous glare it sent to everybody around them. He thought all people were just lucky to not be able to see paradoxes like he could.

When they arrived at the agency they all ran up to their designed room and Nino sat down beside Ohno who had his face hidden in his hands and didn’t even look up when he heard them enter.

“I should just quit right now. It would be so much easier. I destroyed everything. The reputation of Arashi and mine. My mother is crying the whole time since she read the news in the papers and Johnny is lethal. I’m so tired,” Ohno’s own paradox mumbled and when Nino tried to lay an arm around his shoulders Ohno stiffened a little and moved away. When his paradox tried to hold his hand Ohno’s paradox flinched and the hand went right through it which shocked Nino’s paradox and Nino himself much more than Sho thought possible. Nino’s paradox was shaking and crying and Sho didn’t understand what all of that meant.

Did Ohno really give up on whatever he and Nino had all along? Did he give up on Arashi?

 

Sho tried not to panic. Or at least not to show how panicked he was on the outside. His paradox was wrecking havoc and shouting into his ears to just do something already and Sho had problems to actually think clearly. He didn’t know what he could do and it hurt to see Ohno scooting away from Nino. The hurt was clear in his eyes and Sho couldn’t bring himself to look at the both of them right now. It hurt too much.

Jun came into the room later than the others since the first way he took was to one of their managers to get to know what would happen to Ohno now.

As soon as they were all inside Ohno stood up so abruptly that Nino actually jumped in shock and watched wide eyed as Ohno knelt down to bow deeply in front of them all. Ohno’s paradox had his eyes tightly closed and was gripping Ohno’s shoulders tightly.

“I’m sorry for all the problems. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause trouble,” he choked and Aiba gaped at him, closing and opening his mouth a few times the same time. In the end, it was Jun who got his wits back the fastest and stomped to the oldest. He hit the head of their leader, probably harder than necessary, and then forced him up again.

“It’s not your fault. Yeah, those pictures shouldn’t have happened but the photos are old. They use your popularity in the moment,” Jun mumbled and Ohno looked close to tears once again. But at least a bit better than before.

 

“Do you already know what will happen?” Sho asked then and Ohno shrugged a bit.

“An apology and then a statement that I don’t do drugs,” he mumbled and looked at the floor. “It’s the only thing I can do after all, ne? I have to apologise to the drama staff too. And hope that they won’t hate me too much because of this scandal.”

“Toma will be by your side. So you will be fine,” Aiba promised and the others nodded in agreement. Nino tried to smile encouragingly but in the end, he couldn’t really bring himself to do it. Sho watched as his paradox got stiff and seemed to hug himself tightly. It was as if he just wanted to hide somewhere safe without anyone of them there.

 

“Nino?” Sho whispered and Nino jumped again a little and looked at Sho with big round eyes. He looked almost like a deer in the headlights, Sho thought.

“Yes?”

“Is everything okay? You seem a bit out of it,” he said just because he had to say anything. To be true he just wanted Nino’s attention on him to make sure that he didn’t lose himself.

“I’m tired and mad at those damn reporters,” he answered slowly. “It’s our private life and not something they should snoop into. I hate it,” he ranted and Sho smiled amusedly at that. That was the Nino he knew and liked.

“True. But nothing we can change now. We just have to support each other,” Jun said and let himself fall onto the seat beside Nino. Nino immediately searched for Jun’s warmth and Jun ruffled his head.

“Ah! I need a coffee,” Jun mumbled and Ohno nodded.

“I’ll get one,” he said hastily and turned around to leave the Green Room. Everything to show them how thankful he was. Sho stood as well and threw his arm around Ohno’s shoulder - almost immediately regretting because Nino’s paradox got even more depressed when Nino realised that Ohno didn’t shrug him off - and led him outside.

“I’ll help before you burn yourself.”

“Thanks, Sho-chan,” Ohno mumbled and Sho reminded himself to buy Nino his favourite brand of coffee with a tinge of chocolate in it. If he was depressed it was the best to make him a bit happier.


	18. Chapter 18

Nino didn’t speak with Ohno more than he had to for their shows or interviews. So that no outsider would realise that he and Ohno were at odds.

It depressed Ohno more than he let anyone see which was made easier because he had no time. He had loads of work to do and tried to avoid any reporters or even fans. He was bombarded with mails - some which were encouraging him to just ignore the rumours because they knew nothing happened, some were downright nasty and luckily mostly deleted by their managers and staffs before they could even reach Ohno.

Ohno was getting skinnier as time went by and Sho began to force him to eat whenever he saw them outside of work. Jun was making sure Nino would eat at the same time since he was in no better shape than Ohno. Jun also forced them all to take vitamins so that nobody would get ill now shortly before their new tour - and more especially the concerts at the kokuritsu stadium - would finally begin.

  
Nino avoided Ohno whenever he could. It was hard to bring them together into one room outside of their recordings. It had gotten so hard that Sho, Aiba and Jun found themselves contemplating their problems in a bar one evening shortly before the tour would begin.

“It’s so frustrating,” Jun moaned and gulped down his beer in one go.

“They are getting on my nerves when they are all over each other because they ruin everything I planned for anything but when they are so distant it worries me too and ruins all plans I make because they don’t play around,” he mumbled and his paradox sighed deeply.

“I even began planning their escapades in my carefully planned schedules for everything and now they ruing those plans too. How dare they?” it asked pouting and Sho hid an amused snort at those words. Sometimes Jun was too cute for his own good.

Aiba patted Jun’s head while he ate some of the snacks and smiled a little amused. “Don’t lie. The only reason you are not happy with how they are behaving is that you are worried about them,” he chided and Jun’s paradox sighed deeply.

“Of course. I want all of you happy,” his paradox sighed and Jun grumbled a little bit at Aiba’s happy voice.

“Don’t eat all of the snacks. You won't be hungry for the real food anymore,” he chided and sat up straighter when a waitress came inside to finally bring them their ordered meat so that they could start to grill it.

“We should make them somehow talk to each other again,” Sho mumbled and played with a napkin. “They look really unhappy.” Aiba and Jun nodded and Sho closed his eyes.

“Does anyone know why they even argued?” Aiba asked finally and Sho and Jun exchanged glances at his question.

“It began when the rumours started,” Jun said after a while and Sho hummed at those words.

  
“Do you think that Nino is mad at him because of the rumours?” Aiba asked and frowned. “But that’s not really like Nino. Normally he ignores such things and he was never mad at anyone because of them,” he added thoughtfully and Jun nodded.

“That’s true. Normally he shrugs them off and does as usual,” Jun added and groaned deeply. He hid his face in his hands and groaned. “Why are we even talking about them. They are adults. Aren’t they able to solve their problems themselves.”

“Not likely. Nino sucks if it’s about feelings and I think he is hurt. It seems like it at least. And Ohno... Leader is lost,” Aiba mumbled and took the first grilled meat to put it into his mouth.

“That’s true,” Sho added and rubbed his nose. “We have to talk to them. Or more importantly, we have to make them talk again. It’s frustrating to see them dance around each other.”

“But we won’t be able to make it like it was before again,” Aiba said and Jun sighed deeply.

“I don’t know if that would be enough. I can’t watch them again like that. Even like they were before. It’s frustrating to know that they should go a step further and they just won’t because they are too cowardly to really try it.”

“True,” Aiba said and Sho laughed a little.

“The saddest part of it is that they really think they are subtle with that,” he mumbled when they looked at him questioningly. Jun snorted and Aiba giggled a little.

“Perhaps to complete outsiders but they are anything but subtle,” Aiba mumbled and Sho nodded thinking of their paradoxes who were even less subtle if that was even possible.

Not in the moment though. Yes, the paradoxes looked at each other longingly from time to time - finally. Sho was really worried when the paradoxes ignored each other completely. It was better as it was now than a few weeks before but not perfect.

  
“We could try to lock him into the Green Room or something like that and make them talk to each other?”

“That would only succeed if you take away all gaming devices from Nino and make sure that leader is awake. But even then they probably will ignore each other the whole time.”

Aiba laughed and nodded a bit. “We have to talk to them separately first and then make them see sense. It will be hard to crack Nino, though,” he said thoughtfully and the other two nodded.

“Jun and you could talk to him though. He listens to you mostly. And I can try to talk to Ohno? Nino hates talking with me about his emotions,” Sho said and rolled his eyes. More exactly Nino didn’t trust himself around Sho because he thought it a bit scary when Sho seemed to know exactly what Nino thought. Sho had learnt early that he had to be very careful around Nino. Ohno wasn’t a problem. though, so it would be easy for him to talk to their leader.

  
“Sounds like a plan. We’ll try to get him tomorrow or the day after. I would be really happy if we succeed to talk sense into them before the tour starts. The fans will be sad if they don’t act like a lovey dovey couple while on tour,” Jun added.

“Always worried for our fans ne Jun?” Aiba teased him and yelped when Jun’s elbow connected with his side.

“Someone has to think about them,” he said then and Aiba giggled even if he nodded seriously at the same time.

“Of course. Like you say, Jun-kun,” he said softly and giggled a little more when Jun hit him again.

—

It took them almost a week before Jun and Aiba managed to take a hold of Nino and they only succeeded because they carried him almost off after a shooting the moment they heard that Nino was free after it. Sho watched them go and then straightened himself for his next shooting. He already did talk to Ohno and had to realise that Ohno wouldn’t try the first step because he was too scared that Nino would turn away or lash out at him.

Sho hoped the other two had more success with getting their resident brat to talk to Ohno once again. Sho rubbed his forehead and then went to the next shooting place.

  
The next day at rehearsals Nino was nervous and was always watching Ohno from wherever he sat or stood. Sho didn’t know what the other two did tell him but at least Nino was interested in Ohno again. Even if Sho didn’t like the worried and almost scared looks Nino shot Ohno’s way the whole time. Sadly he wasn’t close enough to him to actually understand what his paradox was mumbling since they were mostly at different ends of the room and the music was blasting.

Normally Sho loved the blasting music in rehearsals and most importantly at concerts because he could concentrate on the steps and the instructions of their trainer and didn’t have to care about the thoughts and worries of the people around him. The thoughts of fan girls could be really loud, to be honest, it was difficult to focus on their shows sometimes because of it.

Today he hated that he wasn’t able to pry into Nino’s thoughts more clearly even if he felt a bit bad because of it. But he was also curious by nature.

  
When they finally took a break from dancing Nino sidled up beside Ohno and took his hand before the older was able to take a seat.

“Come with me?” he asked and Ohno nodded without any words. Sho didn’t think that he would deny Nino anything especially now that Nino took the initiative to talk to him.

Sho pouted unconsciously when he realised he wouldn’t be able to observe them or finally to listen to Nino’s thoughts about this all. He wanted to know how they would resolve their quarrel after all! But of course, Nino would make sure not to be in the same room as them.

Jun and Aiba sat down near Sho and he looked at them curiously. “Did you talk yesterday?”

“More likely got drunk,” Jun groaned and Aiba nodded as he held his head.

“We did drink a lot. Nino was so depressed and somehow we ended drinking too much. I don’t know what Nino took this morning to be able to dance like that. Nino must have been even worse than me or Jun,” Aiba added and Sho laughed

“You are unbelievable. But whatever you did it seemed to have helped?”

“Aiba talked a lot about how bad Ohno actually is and how thin he got and sleep deprived and then cried that he was worried that he would leave us, Arashi. As if leader would ever think about leaving us,” Jun said thoughtfully and Sho tried not to cringe.

Aiba was close to the truth after all. Ohno’s thoughts still were all about leaving them for good. Ohno thought they were finally popular enough that they would be able to succeed even if they were only the four of them. More so now that the rumour was still so fresh and he got so much hate from others and fans.

“Let's hope it wouldn’t come to that and that they will be fine,” Sho answered after a moment and the other two agreed hopefully.

  
Ohno and Nino came back shortly before the break was over. They held hands and looked quite happy with themselves. Sho, Aiba and Jun exchanged a look and didn’t even try to hide their happy and victorious grins they shared for a moment.

“Hey!” Nino shouted at them when he saw the grins and frowned. “Don’t look so happy. It’s not as if you have done anything,” he said with his nose high in the air and Ohno hid his face in his shoulder giggling at his antics.

Their paradoxes were shy around each other and not yet as close as Sho was used but they looked at each other and now and then they tentatively reached out for the other only to shy away in the last possible minute. It was endearing, Sho decided. This kind of shyness was new.

Ohno held onto Nino for as long and as tight he could and Nino leant into Ohno a bit. It was a nice view and Sho hoped that the argument helped to bring them, even more, closer in the future. The break in their relationship might have brought the distance they needed to reevaluate their feelings for each other.

Now they might be able to begin from anew with all the feelings they had and not only the confusing change from friendship as teenagers to something akin to love as adults.


	19. Chapter 19

Sho loved Aiba in a way that was different from the love he felt for his family or the other band members. Sho was a person who loved many peoples in a way because he couldn’t not. 

He could see into most of their hearts and even if sometimes it was worrying what he got to see most of the time it was wonderful. 

The feelings people had for other people were precious in Sho’s mind and he wished that everybody could see just how much loved they were. It would simplify a lot of things. 

(To be honest, it would also make many things a lot more difficult of course.)

Aiba was different. Sho didn’t know what Aiba felt or thought most of the time because of the lack of a paradox. So it was a bit more difficult to completely understand him. Close to Aiba, Sho felt a little how he thought other people felt all the time around others. 

So Sho would admit that he was a bit more interested in Aiba than in any other people around him.

 

He also watched Aiba a lot - he knew - but luckily Aiba didn’t seem to mind his closeness and that was a big relief for Sho. He often worried about their tallest member because it wasn’t as easy to know what was going on in his mind and Sho wanted that all of his friends were happy. 

Most of the time Sho had a hunch how Aiba felt, luckily. Aiba was a very open-minded and open-hearted person who always seemed to show his true emotions. But there were times Aiba was closed of so that Sho couldn't decipher his emotions at all. 

When that happened Sho watched Aiba even more closely to be able to tell how he was feeling. Sho was really worried to miss something of importance one day.

 

And they missed more things than Sho had even been scared of. Aiba had not been in a good place when his lung collapsed. 

Something all of them knew. They had tried their hardest to make him happy and to cheer him up while he had to stay in the hospital and had spouted nonsense about having to leave Arashi and to trouble them. 

It had been a hard time then and Sho was even more worried than the others because Aiba had developed a greyish shadow around him at that time. Something that was luckily gone a few weeks later when he finally had been able to come back to them.

Sho was happy that in the end, Aiba was happy and glad to still be in Arashi. It was good to see him laughing with the others and running havoc over them all with the help of Nino. It was also kind of annoying to have to look out for two people now that pranked them and not only Nino alone. 

But Sho suffered those pranks gladly if that meant that Aiba was back to his bubbly and happy self. When the shadow had disappeared at that time Sho was a little proud that they had managed to fight it.

Sadly it appeared again and again. Sho didn’t know why and couldn’t yet pinpoint when exactly because it didn’t come regularly. And it frustrated him more than he would ever tell anyone. He was confused and worried for Aiba and this dark shadow around him. 

Every time it appeared Sho wanted to go up to Aiba and fight it with his own hands. It scared him so much to see that black hue all around Aiba.

Sho wasn’t really used to feeling scared and it disturbed him more than a bit. There was also no one he could ask for help. He never met someone who could see those paradoxes after all and he was too shy to actually ask around if someone could. 

Nino was a possibility, probably. Nino had already hinted that he was able to see something others couldn't but he was scared that he misunderstood and that Nino would hate him. Nino was a very private person. He probably wouldn't be happy to know that Sho had read his thoughts all this time. 

\--

It took him as long as until their tenth anniversary to realise a pattern in the appearances of that dark shadow and he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing that he actually noted down every appearance of the dark shadow surrounding Aiba. 

It was probably a bit creepy if Aiba got to know about it but it helped Sho not to panic every time he saw them. 

He looked through his notebook and thought of all the appearances of that shadow. With all the stress surrounding them, Sho didn't have much time to think of a pattern or even try to get Aiba to talk about his problems. 

But now he had time to look at his notes and to compare them to each other. He always had had different notebooks ever since he was young. 

His mother had recommended him to write his thoughts and feelings about paradoxes in it. It helped to make sure that he would never use his knowledge wrongly if he wrote down what he did in those instances, too. And, of course, it helped not to address something the paradox had said later. 

He reevaluated it regularly. When he had been younger he used to do it more often than now but if he had a few free days he would look through his logs. 

Today he used the time to write entries about Nino and Ohno who got closer and closer with each passing day and it was cute and hilarious at the same time to watch them dance around each other in some kind of strange courting ritual. 

At least their paradoxes were very clear about what they actually wanted from the other and he loved watching their paradoxes whispering niceties and sometimes not so innocent things to each other - Sho had a hard time not to blush at some things - while Ohno and Nino actually tried to sit apart as far as they could from each other. Without looking at each other or denying hotly to be interested in each other at all if asked.

They all knew it wasn’t true since they were really obvious. Jun and Aiba both didn’t need to see their paradoxes above their head to figure out how much they actually like each other. 

Their fans and other friends though were a different story and mostly confused about what was true and what wasn’t especially when they had their usual days of ignoring each other in public or in Nino’s case: Insulting the other because of something Ohno did or didn’t do without Nino’s permission. Sho was just happy to know that they went home together each day now.

 

But back to Aiba, Sho reminded himself and carefully lined his Arashi-notebook beside his paradox-notebook. In the first one, he wrote all the special dates of their band. He added special events that happened to his band members as well as things that were memorable from their shows or guesting. In the other, he wrote - in Aiba's case - the appearances of that black shadow.

It was a lot of work to keep it up to date but Sho loved looking through it and recalling of the things that all happened. It was a lot if you thought of ten years of being in a band together but it made him happy that he had decided to stay so long ago. 

He had marked Aiba's bad days - as he decided to call them - previously with a bright red colour and was now looking through his other notebooks to see if something happened around those dates. 

He finally realised it was always when they were really stressed but the worst ones were whenever Aiba was reminded of his accident years ago when he thought he would have to leave them. 

Sho tapped his pen against the paper and tried to remember all the times that Aiba had said he had to try especially hard for them and had apologised to them because he thought he was a burden to them. 

It happened from time to time. Especially when one of them was very stressed and Aiba made a mistake so that they had to repeat their shooting, training or whatever. They all made mistakes and they apologised for the problems they caused but knew that it was normal. 

Sho thought Aiba knew that too.


	20. Chapter 20

Sho watched Aiba thoughtfully. He seemed happy enough. Right now he was talking to a kouhai they had a concert with and was laughing obnoxiously loud about some joke the kid told him. It was just like he was used to see him and he almost seemed like always. But the shadow was still there and it hurt. Sho sighed deeply and blinked when Nino fell on a chair beside him.

“You sigh like an old man,” he teased him and Sho looked at him actually a bit amused.

“Played enough with Ohno already?” he teased right back and Nino shrugged a bit at that.

“Jun-kun wants his opinion on a dance move and said I should get lost so that leader would actually listen to him. And answer. It’s not my fault that Ohno doesn’t think as much about this all as Jun-kun does. But did you see a number of rings he is wearing today? So I thought it healthier to just get lost,” he explained and Sho chuckled a bit.

“Probably right to get out of his hair for the time being. He is absolutely stressed because of the upcoming concert at Kokuritsu and because it’s our anniversary. He wants it to be perfect.”

“I know. But he should relax. It’s our anniversary. I think we are allowed to have a bit of fun at this concert too. Not only the fans,” Nino pouted and Sho snorted.

“Thinking of bringing Ohmiya SK back?” Sho asked and Nino shrugged with a teasing grin.

“It’s a secret. You will see,” he said generously and Sho shook his head.

“Jun-kun will have your head.”

“Oh, that would be a fun concert. Getting killed by the youngest member of the band would have the fans in their best behaviour.”

“Idiot,” Sho scolded and hit his head gently. Then he looked at Aiba again and a worried frown appeared on his forehead.

  
They were silent for a minute or two until Nino looked at Sho again. “Do you have any worries? You look like you do since a few days ago,” he said in the end and poked his side. “You can tell me. I promise not to tell the others.”

“At least as long as you think you can handle it yourself, right?” Sho asked amused and shook his head. “No worries. Just thinking about the last years. Can you believe it’s our tenth year already? I really can’t. It’s mind blowing.”

Nino shrugged a little and played with the cards he seemed to have taken out from nowhere. But knowing Nino he probably had them in his pocket.

“Probably. It’s really interesting, that nobody ended up leaving the band, isn’t it? And I’m not only speaking of going on their own free will but actually because they had to leave because of the agency or something like that”

“That’s true,” Sho hummed and pulled Nino into an embrace for the moment. He knew of course that Nino thought about Ohno’s scandal of last year. Even without his paradox mumbling of said scandal.

“But it got better after that, did it not?” asked Sho and Nino nodded.

“Thankfully. But Oh-chan is too good for them to throw out. And Arashi wouldn’t be Arashi without any of us.” Sho nodded amused and leant back a bit.

“Do you regret that you stayed with us?” Sho asked and Nino frowned.

“No, why should I? I have the best friends with Arashi. It’s great. I think without Arashi I won’t have any friends,” he said thoughtfully and shrugged. “Nothing better awaited me anywhere, too. So it’s good.”

Sho watched him and frowned a little. He knew for sure that Nino got more offers from Hollywood after Iwo Jima but didn’t take any of them because he wanted to stay with them. Sometimes Sho was worried that they held him back but in the end, he and even his paradox seemed to be content with what they had now. More so now that he was so close to Ohno.

Nino chuckled a little when Sho fell silent again and nudged him good naturally. “You are really strange today. So lost in thoughts. I should leave you alone with them. But tell me if I can help, ne?”, he said softly and stood again to go to Aiba.

“Buy me a coffee?” he asked Aiba and Sho grinned when Aiba pouted a bit but followed Nino out of the room obediently. In the end, Nino’s favourite coffee was also the cheapest option in the vending machine so nobody had problems with treating him - but Jun. But Jun’s problem wasn’t the treating in itself but the favourite choice of coffee of Nino.

Sho tried his hardest to forget about his thoughts as to not worry the others, too. Sho knew they had asked Nino to go to him first and hoped that Nino would calm them down at least a bit.

He looked at the closed door and leant back to ponder over his problems. Perhaps it was the tenth anniversary after all that he was overly worried about them all. And he was sure that Aiba would be better once this concert was over and they had more time for each other again. At least he hoped so. Otherwise, he had to think about something. He wouldn’t allow Aiba to get so bad hat a paradox appeared.

  
The next days were spent with talking about the last years they spent together. Especially their beginning years. It was fun to reminiscence about it all so much and share the funniest episodes that happened between them. There were a lot.

Aiba’s black shadow seems to dim finally and Sho allowed himself to keep breathing. Just breathing and calming down. He realised that Nino was watching him more and that he sometimes looked from him to Aiba and back with a deep frown on his face. Sho didn’t know what Nino was thinking about because sadly he somehow kept even his paradox silent about that.

“You are looking at him again,” Nino mumbled when he sidled up to him and opened his bento to take a bite from his hamburger steak.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Sho denied and concentrated back on his phone and the plan for the next two days. His days were going to be busy with different interviews and the preparing for the next shot of News Zero. He had to read that three articles today.

“Aiba,” Nino deadpanned and shot him a look. “Don’t play dumb. I am actually too tired to humour you,” he added and Sho looked at him. It was true. Nino did look very tired today.

“Did you stay awake too long with your games?” Sho asked and his eyes widened in shock when Nino’s ears went red at that.

“Something like that,” he mumbled and Sho tried to look at Nino’s paradox to know something more about it. But it was just looking at Ohno with a love-struck face. It did take a few minutes for Sho to actually understand what happened and a grin appeared on his face.

“Oh! Fun games, I see,” he teased and laughed when he got an elbow into his side for this.

“Shut up! We were talking about you,” he said with a frown on his face and Sho pouted.

“Not true. You were talking about Masaki,” Sho mumbled and said when Nino shot him a pointed look. Nino clearly wasn#t in the mood for any avoidance tactics he might have.

“Okay, you win. What is your problem?” Sho said and rubbed his face. Why was this brat so observant?

“My problem? What is your problem? You look at Aiba with a frown on your face. What did he do? Even Aiba realised that your eyes are always on him. It’s creepy and Aiba is beginning to get scared about what he did to make you like that,” Nino explained with an eye roll.

“What?! He did nothing. Why would you think that?” Sho asked a bit shocked. Did Aiba really thing that he had a problem with him? Nothing could be further from the truth.

“Because you look like he did something bad. You look scary,” Nino explained a bit exasperated. “I told him you don’t hate him. But he won’t believe me.”

“Oh,” Sho mumbled and Nino rolled his eyes.

“Yes, oh. You are so stupid sometimes, Sho-chan. I can’t believe we are actually friends,” he mumbled and Sho rolled his eyes. He couldn’t be that bad. At least he hoped so. Sho kept silent for a moment and then sighed a little. He looked down and bit his lips nervously.

“HHey Nino?” he began and Nino hummed while concentrating on his food. Sho shut off his phone completely and leant back deep in thought.

“Don’t you think Aiba behaves strangely?” he asked in the end. Nino was observant. Perhaps Nino had realised already that something was wrong with Aiba even if he didn’t see that black shadow around him.

“How so?” Nino asked and Sho shrugged a bit lost for words now.

“Just… not like he would normally,” he repeated. “And just so that you know: I’m not mad at him.Quite the opposite really,” he added for good measure when Nino watched him strangely again.

  
Nino shrugged and then folded into himself when he ate the last pieces of his food. “You are always so worried about us all,” he mumbled and Sho nodded. He couldn’t help it.

“He seems sometimes a bit out of it, yes. But aren’t we all, Sho-chan? These last weeks really were stressful after all.” Sho nodded and massaged his temple. That must be the problem with Aiba as well. At least he hoped so.

“So you think everything will be back to normal when this concert is over?” he asked hopefully and Nino nodded thoughtfully.

“I’m sure it will be,” he mumbled softly and smiled at Sho before standing up and groaning. “Back to work now, though. Lunch, time is over.”


	21. Chapter 21

Their concert has been great. It was wonderful even and they had lots of fun. The fans had lots of fun as well and Sho was on a high the whole time throughout. It has been the best. He had never wanted to leave the stage. The others felt the same so it was not hard to do another encore and then one more until they finally went back to the hotel where they almost collapsed in a heap of bodies on the bed in Ohno’s room.

None of them wanted to be alone after their anniversary concert. They wanted to stay like this for just a little bit longer. Sho was sure that they probably would end up spending the night here together because one beer would lead into two and more and then they would all fall asleep one after the other. But that was fine. Ohno got a big room after all. And Nino would have slept here regardless. So it didn’t matter that Ohno didn’t have time for himself. 

The black hue around Aiba had disappeared by the time they had finished the concert. They all had talked about how they would stay together forever. Regardless of what would happen to them. Their promise was final. Aiba's bright smile had easily fought that shadow away.

Sho could have wept the moment he saw it disappearing - to be honest he did cry. But everyone thought it was just his emotions about their anniversary. So it was okay. 

Sho suddenly sat to Aiba without realising how, but in the end, he thought it was Nino’s doing. Nino had made sure that they were next to each other for the last few days. The others helped, too, today. Sho had first sat on the other side of the group and of Aiba. But then Jun stood to get a beer and then chose to sit beside Sho to talk about the concert a bit. Then he waved Nino over who changed places willingly - something he never would do normally - and talked about some games. 

Ohno naturally emerged on Nino’s side again after a few minutes. That was at least normal for the oldest of them. Nowadays Ohno always appeared at Nino’s side when the younger was not close to him for too long. Sho knew that was because Nino finally explained to him that he felt lonely easily and not loved if there was nobody so close that they would touch. 

So yeah, Sho ended up next to Aiba. And because Aiba was a crybaby - today more than ever - Aiba was all over him bawling his eyes out because he was happy to be in Arashi. And that they were friends and that they took the world by storm. 

Sho hugged the younger man close to him and stroke his hair to calm him down at least a little bit. He still didn’t like to see Aiba crying. It was good that there was no shadow and that he honestly felt like that, though. Sho hugged him closer when Aiba grabbed his shoulders tightly all of the sudden to look straight into Sho's eyes. 

“And I am so glad that Sho-chan doesn’t hate me anymore,” Aiba said and Sho stilled. So Aiba really had thought that he hated him? His hold got a little bit more tightly around Aiba and he shook his head. 

“I would never hate you”, Sho said earnestly and tousled Aiba’s hair. “Please never think I do,” he added and did his best to ignore the three men beside him who were now a cuddling heap on the bed. 

Ohno and Nino were both trying to smother Jun with their love because he was all alone now. Tomorrow Jun might kill them for that since he was currently very happily in love as far as Sho knew. 

“Really?” Aiba asked and looked at him with big bright eyes. “I'm glad. Because I like Sho very much. It made me so sad to see that you hate me,” he said sadly and Sho shook his head. 

He couldn’t believe that. How could Aiba even think that? Of course, he didn’t hate him. The opposite was truer. He sighed and closed his eyes when Aiba used this moment to huddle a bit closer to Sho. It was nice to have Aiba in his arms. Sho liked that very much and it could stay like this forever if he could decide. 

“Really, truly. I don’t hate you, Masaki. I could never,” he said seriously and Aiba’s whole face brightened. 

“That’s good. I am happy. Sho-chan really makes me happy now!” he declared and Sho felt suddenly very warm inside. He didn’t know what to say and Aiba giggled a little. 

“Sho-chan is so cute. He is blushing,” Aiba mumbled and touched his warm face. Sho bit his lips and looked down only for Aiba to crouch down to be able to look into his eyes. 

“Don’t hide, ne Sho-chan? I like you very very much,” Aiba mumbled and smiled then. “And Nino-chan said that he sees that Sho likes me very very much too. I just couldn’t believe him,” he mumbled and that got Nino’s attention.

“Stop babbling Aiba!” he cried out and glared at him in annoyance. Sho blinked and wanted to retort when Nino’s attention was back to Ohno and Jun. Sho sighed and shook his head. He would never understand Nino, sadly. 

“I like you, too,” Sho mumbled in the end which got Jun’s attention and a groan from the youngest of their group. 

“That will be fun… Being in a group with two idiotic pairs,” he mumbled and Aiba cried out loud and sprang almost on top of Jun while bringing Nino and Ohno down on the youngest as well. Jun went with a little cute 'oomph'. 

“We love you so much too! Don’t feel left out,” Aiba cried and Sho giggled silently. It was so chaotic at the moment since all of their paradoxes and of course, the other themselves were chatting at the same time. 

Yup, Sho really loved his group. And Aiba probably a little more than the rest.


End file.
